About Suz's essence, and John Updike's "monsters." Posted by John on November 08, 1999 at 00:03:13:
In Reply to: Re: First Gold Stars!...on the trail of Suz's "Dictator." posted by suz on November 05, 1999 at 14:02:49:
(Well, it's late, and I'm a little "muddle-headed" tonight, but I'm
uncomfortable leaving you "on the hot-seat" for so long, Suz. Still,
I'd like to see if somebody in the class can catch on to what I mean
about that "I'm glad you mentioned music, Coach" posting. You're all
going to see something very important about the method here, when this
is clear!)
......................................................
And, yes, Suz! Your essence sure *is* showing up brightly in the
picture quite often nowadays. Oh, I seem to catch on, listening to you
here, that this "calling on you" exercise may be stressing you kind of
hard. You are not going to come out of this exercise "looking like a
chump," I assure you, dear woman! You are going through this exercise
"looking like a champ!" :-)
Your voice seems to come across to me as plaintive when you are saying:
>Wow Words escape me but the only thing I could add to further elaborate is that I was just trying to come from the heart with my opinions good bad or indifferent!Perhaps more from essence as you term it rather than establishing personality.
I believe you! And it seems to be so. Remember I already pointed out
that all the things you said about you and music were good sharings of
your experience, and, as I said, good communication! It was the way you
did it from the start, the behaviorism that got you into sharing about
that essence stuff, that caught my eye and seemed to be personality to
me. You'll see what I mean before long.
And your essence is all over the place these days. I see your Healer as
you are fixing your horse's sore foot. (What is the person doing here?
She is healing. Per se! It's obvious, basic. It's the essence of what
it is.)
That reminds me I meant to comment earlier that you seemed to be
sounding a little guilty the other day about cutting the timbers to
build your dream house in the wilderness. — And heartfelt
congratulations from me to you and your family in this great move, Suz!
I feel very happy for you! — Remember when you were talking about your
troubled thinking about cutting timbers the other day? And yet, to me,
in reading what you had to say there, it struck me, at least, that your
way of relating with the forest seems very similar to the ways of the
Indians I have studied, and the few I've gotten to know. And I mean
this especially in your *consciousness* of the livingness of the forest,
and your deep respect for the Great Nature of what you are living in up
there.
When a Hawaiian took a tree to make a canoe, she or he, acknowledged the
tree as a living being, and a ceremony of singing to the tree was done
as the process was going on. With an American Indian, it appears to be
much the same. The tree is taken for a worthy purpose, it is
acknowledged awarely as alive, and it is paid ceremonial respect.
Nothing is wasted. And what is taken is appreciated in the fullest.
The old Hawaiians knew exactly which types of trees were best for which
kinds of things, just as the Stone Age Hohokam knew the types of stone
that were best for each of the hundred implements they made out of
stone. Every single Hohokam axe, over more than two millenia, was made
out of green diorite, nothing else. That's because, in the old days
around here, of the hundreds of kinds of stone to be found in Arizona,
green diorite is the very best for making a stone axe that is hollow-
honed across the blade to get a bite for cutting down trees. Suz, I
have to say about you: if I've ever met anybody that I trust to show
respect for the animals and plants in the forest, to be careful for
them, to relate with them sparingly and wisely and with reverence, it is
you.
If you *do* feel guilty, it's another matter. Be aware of what that's
like, if it's so. And at the same time, what you are doing in cutting
timbers to build a house is no less natural and respectful than what the
old Hawaiians and Indians used to do.
You continued about my question in your last posting:
>Otherwise if no one else comes up with anything further I will have to humbly ask you to tell me more Coach!
Thanks,
Suz
Golly, I *like it* when I see you being humble like that! I really like
it. I know that you are strong and powerful. I'm used to you often
speaking in a "take-charge" way, "talking tough" to others, and "being
in command" of your life . . . . . or so it seems to me. Then, at other
times I'm used to you often being into your Student/Believer when you
are so full of wonder at the things you see in life. And your "Thanks"
is a note of the Student's music of appreciation, alongside the music of
the humble Hard Worker (i.e. the essence of the Hard Worker/Doormat).
So again, you are being in essence here.
Remember I was speaking the other day about the Doormat being the
antithesis of the Dictator? The last thing to expect of a Dictator is
to see him or her acting like a Doormat. But, I hope you can catch on
to the significance of this: it is *very attractive*, that is to say,
very appealing to us homo sapiens humans, when a person who *we know* is
strong and tough, behaves in a way that is modest and humble. We love
it when we can see a really tough guy be very gentle and humble like
this. There's something in us humans that loves this.
So when a person is able to recognize that they are being a Dictator,
and they have the training and ability to get off being a Dictator in
that moment and step into being a Hard Worker, that is, get off of being
"commanding" and be very humble . . . move all the way from the
personality position on one side of the wheel into the essence position
on the opposite side of the wheel, this is a *really great move* in
playing the awareness game. This point may be too far ahead of our
grasp of this game at this stage of the class so far, but you've shown a
good example of what I'm referring to.
Anyway, it's a simple enough idea. It's very "becoming"—yes, that's
the word I'm looking for—it's very becoming when an obviously tough
person comes across in an overtly humble way. This is a good tip for
people who are Can-Do Person/Dictators.
And the same principle holds true for the other seven types around the
wheel. It is very becoming, indeed, when:
1. Dictators come across as humble.
2. Con Artists come across as truly interested students.
3. Judges come across as caring and tender.
4. Rebels come across as cooperative.
5. Doormats come across as able to stand up and be strong.
6. Believers come across as smart enough to make up their own minds
instead of trusting others too easily.
7. Martyrs come across as wiser for their sad experience.
8. Kind Helpers come across as loosened up a bit about their worries
and willing to take a few mild chances of their own (or, at least, let
others take the chances that they feel are prudent to take).
Each of these represents a shift from the personality position on one
side of the wheel to the essence position on the opposite side of the
wheel. It is very becoming for a person to do this. First, of course,
one must know clearly what one's own habitual patterns are.
......................................................
I'd like to go back to this issue of the painfulness of doing this kind
of insightful studying of our selves. Jeff has had some good
experience-sharing about this, along with Lydia's insights.
Back on October 22nd, Douglas was quoting John Updike about the
difficulties of exploring ourselves inwardly.
>"It takes decades to penetrate inland, and map the mountain passes, and trace the rivers to their sources. Even then, there are large blanks, where monsters roam..."
Well, I guess Mr. Updike thought it was that way. But discovering our
inward make-up doesn't have to be like uncovering "monsters" inside us,
Kiddees. The worst of it all is that we are asleep, and NOT that we are
monsters inside. We are not monsters. In fact, what we truly have all
the way inside is love, authentic love. And standing in the way of
actually *being* that innermost love all the time, are the personality
roles that we have adopted and become conditioned to act-out
automatically as we have been growing up from childhood.
If you want to call these roles (the eight archetypes) "monsters," so be
it! But . . . . . let's get it over with right now, and see what is the
most monstrous stuff that any of us will have to face up to when we see
the way human beings work by studying the inner make-up of our own
selves in this class.
1. Dictators will find that they cannot really be in control of life,
and that they do not have to try to be in control of life all the time,
and then they will see and understand the situations much more clearly
where they do need to be as much in control as they can be at that time,
as well as the situations where they can just let go, and let it be.
(Recognizing these situations is not a matter of "following rules," but
of *seeing it* and *understanding it*. (Dictators would rather be in
control of others than be loved.)
2. Con Artists will find that they are really not better than other
people . . . and that *they don't have to be* in order to fulfill the
highest greatness of their true genius. (Is that a "monster?" To some
I guess it may be.) (Con Artists would rather be regarded as superior
than be loved.)
3. Judges will find that they are really not right all the time . . .
and that giving up being right all the time, and becoming willing to be
wrong at the drop of a hat, opens up a whole new realm of objective
discovery that they could never access before, and means that they are
truly liked and loved much more than before. (Judges would rather be
right than be loved.)
4. Rebels will find that they do need other people to fulfull the
richness of their lives, and that by becoming able to cooperate with
other people, the beauty of their life's work will be greatly enhanced
and proliferated. (Rebels would rather be outrageously different than
be loved.)
5. Doormats will find that they *do* have the strength to do it. The
strength is in their bodies. If their mat caught on fire, they would be
up and running in an instant with all the strength that is in them. So
they can forget about that "I can't do it" stuff, and go ahead and get
up and go on and just start doing it, now . . . that is, if they choose
to. (Doormats—I know because I am one—would rather be lazy than be
loved.)
6. Believers will discover that they have been believing too easily, in
many ways, including the belief in their own need for security, and that
by getting over these patterns of superstition, they break through more
and more often into the intelligent realizations of human intuition.
They will find that they can let go of looking to others for advice
because they will find their own compass is always pointing the way
within. Giving up their need for security through others, they can come
into their own, independently. (This doesn't mean breaking off
associations, just being one's own person.) (Believers would rather
have dependent security than be loved.)
7. Martyrs will catch on that giving love to get love (false love)
doesn't work out in the end. One always winds up feeling used that way.
Trying to get other people to love us isn't the way that works. The way
that works is *finding* and recognizing the people that love us. In
order to do this, there must be no constraints, no manipulations, no
"guilt trips." When we find the people who love us without all this
effort to get love, by serendipity that is, this is true love. (Martyrs
would rather have the wrong love right now for the pleasure of it than
true love that comes only in its own time. This is exactly how they
become "martyred.")
8. Kind Helpers will catch on that they worry about other people too
much, and don't pay enough attention to their own needs and likes.
They will discover that some of the help they give to others is truly
helpful and healing, but that some of the help they give to others is
unwanted and unwarranted, and therefor is often weakening, and thus
drives those they care for away from them in their own defense.
Everyone else isn't worried about the same things that they worry so
much about. Recognizing this, they can begin perceiving when help is
really appropriate (i.e. welcomed), or when they are only helping
automatically out of a lifelong habit to do it that way. And when they
begin taking better care of their own needs and likes for a change, they
will find others they have alienated are cheered by this, and more
willing to gather closer around them again. (Kind Helpers would rather
give help to others, whether wished for or not, than be loved.)
So these are the worst monsters that any of you students might have to
face in the First Grade classes here. Come on, Kiddees! You can face
these monsters! I ought to give you a little pep talk here. If you do
face these monsters and overcome them, you will be stronger, more
effective, more who you really are underneath this "monster stuff." You
will be happier, more liked and loved, more *able to love*, above all.
You will begin, *little by little* getting over being an ego-driven
personality, and you will begin becoming a mindful warrior and a master
of whatever you do.
Well, this is enough for Sunday night. Tomorrow's another day. So much
good stuff being posted nowadays, and I've really been focused the most
on Douglas's writings this week.
I've noticed that none of the others of you have attempted to guess what
I am referring to in that posting of Suz's about music. Do you shrink
back from attempting to do that? It occurs to me that it might be as
difficult for each of you to make objective observations like that about
others as to make objective observations like that about your own
selves. What about that? Any thoughts?
Coach
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