Projection or insanity? Posted by Michael on November 15, 1999 at 11:31:33:
Thanks to everyone for giving me such a warm welcome. You've all given
me much to ponder regarding my domestic situation. As a matter of fact,
I spent this morning with an attorney discussing the possibility of
divorce proceedings (I had made the appointment a few weeks ago, before
my initial posting to this group).
As I described my marriage situation, I felt a little guilty --- as if
I were somehow ratting on my wife. I couldn't help thinking of the
Buddhist concept of projection --- that whatever we see in another
person must reside in ourselves, otherwise we wouldn't see it at all.
The lawyer said (very matter-of-factly), "This lady's crazy. You have
two choices; stay or go. If you choose to go, at least your children
can spend time in a home with one sane parent." I pondered her words
and thought of my Zen teacher's guidance to "find the middle way." I
was struct by how obvious it is outside the context of my marriage that
something is very wrong. It was as if a bright light had illuminated a
very dark place. Of course I knew something was very wrong. I've known
it in my gut for a long, long time. But here is where all this becomes
relevant to the class; If all aspects of personality are brought on by
conditioning, and if we are aware of the phenomenon of projection in
dealing with personal conflict, at what point do we make a bold move
and say to someone, "I can no longer allow you to abuse me this way"?
First of all, if I understand it correctly, there really is no "me" to
be abused. So if I feel abused, I must be off the path somehow. That's
just personality talking. It's my conditioning getting it's way.
During group discussion at my Zen retreat, I blurted out, "But what if
it REALLY IS the other person's fault?" Everyone laughed, and the guide
joked, "Then we'll have to kill them." I got no explanation about that
remark, and the discussion immediately took a turn in another
direction. As is typical, we all were left with this little koan to
figure out. I should have known I wouldn't get a direct answer to such
a question. I immediately thought of that Buddhist saying, "If you meet
the Buddha on the road, kill him!" In other words, if you have some
concrete notion about "who" Buddha is; if you somehow think you've got
this whole thing figured out, then you've gotten yourself off the
track. What we're looking for cannot be grasped in words or concepts.
So, today I jumped into my abyss (or my own Heffalump trap) and things
are beginning to look a little clearer --- and a little fuzzier. I
promise I will share my discoveries with the class. Thanks for sharing
yours with me. It is indeed comforting to know we are in these little
pits together.
Many thanks,
Michael
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