self imposed guilt? Posted by suz on December 07, 1999 at 08:45:34:
Hi all!sorry for my absence also as business envelopes me as of late!I must say I basically agree with the others as
far as thinking the post was very informative reguardless of who it may have been referring to as your innermost
expression of how men feel falling in love was something I often wondered about too as the old hollywood image
has always been over romanticized for a womans point of view and more hardened and less defined from a mans! I
found it interesting and feel that you shouldnt feel "guilty"for expressing your opinion about it!I have been trying
myself to not over analyze lately and feel guilty while trying to not seem heartless and hardened!I would have been
urged to say something simular to the woman in the store myself so your reaction was far from out of line!
I had a bout with "guilt" last night myself!
We have lived in our area for 3 years and have only two "old friends" we knew prior to moving here in the area and
have several "new friends" here now but despite this,with all we know here, feel sorta disgruntled at times
especially when holidays birthdays etc approach!All these folks know we are basically alone here as our families
live thousands of miles away and we rarely afford travelling home for holidays and the last 3 years have spent
every holiday home alone, no invitations ,no one coming to see us etc!Some of our friends have big families here
and it doesnt occur to them to ask us over?Ther are only 3 of us!
We invite and I cook and decorate for a once in a while brief visit from a friend maybe twice in the last 20 holidays
so we kinda quit asking as it gets kinda imbarrasing always being led on with( maybe we'll come by's") till the last
minute then not even a phone call saying "we cant make it" or anything.So much like you with the old woman in
the store kinda just say "to hell with them" I'm not gonna beg for their company!I have always been there any time
for all my friends and have never said no I cant help Or no Larry wont fix your broken pipes for nothing,or no you
cant use our truck and trailer to move etc etc and just am lately finding all our "friends" to be as my mother calls
them "Fair weather friends" thus denoting that they are only around when they need you for their own personal
gain and then always seem BUSY when the rare occasion arises that you may ask for a minor favor and all
relationships seem one sided after years of this treatment!
The story goes that we have been working so hard and steady for the last year with no weekends off,no vacation
nothing so I was sitting there last night thinking "I'll be damned if we're gonna sit here alone for the weekend
cooking and cleaning for me and watching TV .So ,me being such the hot spring addict thought I would dig out
the number and see if accomodations were available at the neatest place I found 2 years ago while dipping a free
pool at an old abandoned mineral spring I found over in Montana at an old defunct fallen down government
fogotten Indian reservation south of Flathead Lake near Kalispell!
In the nearby tiny town there is the quaintest ,very turn of the century old hotel that was undergoing renovation by
a nice hippie couple last time there and is just the coolest spot!The woman who runs it informed me they had
hi-jacked a Chef from Missoula to come for weekends and cook gormet and the only hot tub- sauna suite(in the
room) was available for x-mas weekend!Could this be true!Hoodoosuz luck kicking into gear! so after a long
conversation and drooling at the prospect of hot steam,hot baths,massage,and gourmet meals(meaning I am not
cooking and doing the dishes)After months of hard labor without a break and putting my shoulder badly out of
place being Pauline Bunyan as my husband has been teasing me with lately as we have been hand logging our new
land as to not upset the environment there as little as possible and only used machinery to stack and load the
logs.Am nearly finished and am waiting at this very moment to meet the trucks there to haul them to the mill
today ,am feeling sore and old and tired!A dream come true!Rest relaxation!Well deserved break!
The reservation was made and the countdown to extacy started!(Also the name of an old Steely Dan album I will
bring on CD!HA!
Well then the phone rings and it's my friend who moved here from Hawaii to be near me who has spent no time or
returned the many many favors happy to announce she will not have to work and was informing me of their self
invitation to come for x-mas dinner and would even supply the turkey!
I hesitated with my reply and much to her dismay announced "everyone turned down my invitaions and told her
Sorry we wont be here"!She was flabbergasted and the GUILT thing hit me but abated quickly as the thought of
our selfish escape was too strong to let me feel guilty any longer! Change my mind to accomodate them? I think
not!
Anyway just wanted to share that with you all and say we shouldnt feel guilty for things we feel "right" about!
Love to all
Suz
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