Re: Some Thoughts On Romantic Love~ Posted by Michael on December 16, 1999 at 07:18:28:
In Reply to: Re: Some Thoughts On Romantic Love~ posted by Sally on December 15, 1999 at 18:19:38:
Thanks so much to Sally and Suz for the support! The piece, "Some
Thoughts on Romantic Love," is excellent. I printed it out for further
reference. The description of a mature relationship in that article
sounds like mindfulness to me, and that's what I want in my life. It
doesn't matter if I never find a "soulmate," or if I never have another
romantic relationship at all. What I want more than anything is to be
*whole*. And what I wrestle with every day is doing the right thing by
my family, my kids. I want to the "right thing," be a "good person."
This reminds me of one of my favorite quotes. I found this in M.C.
Richard's book, "Centering."
"For the good man to realize that it is better to be whole than to be
good is to enter on a straight and narrow path compared to which his
previous rectitude is flowery license." - John Middleton Murry
When we are mindful (whole, same thing), we transcend morality,
right/wrong duality, and on *that* path we find that being "good" was a
piece of cake. Everything is easy when there are only two choices. This
is right, this is wrong. This is good, this is bad. I choose right. I
choose good. My wife's world works exactly this way, and the part of me
that wants to be perceived as "good" is the part that says "stay." The
part of me that wants to be whole says "go." But the part of me that
*IS* whole says "breathe." This is what my Zen teacher was talking
about when he said, "You'll get to the point where you can stay and
it'll be wonderful, or you can go and it'll be wonderful."
When I am mindful, it just doesn't matter if I'm "good" or "bad." I
just *AM*. Now, my gut tells me the mature thing to do is to get out of
this relationship. Taking that crucial step will open doors for me and
my children (and yes, even my wife) that I haven't even imagined yet.
(Is this what you were hinting at Coach?)But, like Sally, I just don't
know if I have the "guts" to do it. The part that wants to be "good" is
awfully strong. And another thing that strikes me about this is that
the part of me that gets so angry about all this (and I *do* have a lot
of anger, a lot of resentment) is the *same* part that *WANTS* to be
*whole*! If I can only get in touch with the part that *IS* whole and
work on this from *there*, then Destiny can manifest. If either of the
other two guys do the work, it's just fate, as the Coach says. My
question is, how to I take care of those other two guys so that
centered, whole person can get to work?
Thanks for the helpful support. I'm feeling a little better now.
Michael
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