Still learning to fly this bird. Posted by John on December 20, 1999 at 16:26:57:
Hello, Folks!
As I see it, there are two approaches I can use in responding to
postings here in Classroom Talk by you students. The first is to answer
you as quickly as I can. During the first half of our history on-line
here, I attempted to do that as often as possible, usually posting my
reply within two or three days, and sometimes on the same day.
I liked the "continuity of conversation" that provided in our "virtual
classroom." And I supposed that you students liked to get prompt
responses to your comments. I wouldn't blame you if you felt that much
of the fun of participating in a bulletin board like this one comes from
getting prompt personal replies to the things you write about and ask.
That's a projection on my part, of course, and yet, I feel that way.
In every way that I've been able to think of along the way, I've wished
to play for greater and greater verisimilitude in our gatherings. I've
wished to discover how to make this more and more a *real group of
living humans working here together to learn how to be more awake and
grow. And I think we've succeeded in this to a much greater degree than
I could have imagined when I started this experiment out in 1998!
The other approach to responding to your postings in Classroom Talk is
to reply "when it comes to me," or "when it seems to fit in with the
natural progression of 'the lesson plan.'" And this is what I've tended
to do over the second half of our school's history . . . as I've learned
I have been able to do this as we go along. That is, as I've learned I
could "get away with it," and it has usually seemed to work out smoothly
. . . from my point of view as coach of this class.
There are times when I haven't responded to postings for "tactical
reasons." Doug took the time and trouble to write out whole detailed
expositions of *other kinds of trainings that he was familiar with. I
was faced with long writing sessions agreeing with this point,
disagreeing with that point, and attempting to reconcile the two
teaching approaches. This never seemed to work very well for me. I
never got around to posting those responses. Again and again Doug laid
out whole methodologies of teaching approaches that looked at homo
sapiens from different points of view, and he never got any answers from
me on that.
I regret that I didn't communicate with you better about this dilemma
along the way, Doug. I didn't really catch on that I was obsessing
about wanting to respond to you and not seeming to be able to respond to
you, until *you pointed out that very obsession to me, and "let me off
the hook." I'm grateful for that. My Student/Believer does obsess
some of the time over having the approval of you students. It's just my
personality when that happens. I want you all to approve of me.
Here I've recognized a little more of that anxiety and obsessing with
two important postings by Suz of the Northwoods ("self imposed guilt?"),
on December 7th, and by Lydia (mostly, I'm interested in teaching from
the examples of projecting that you highlighted in commenting on my
posting "I apologize for this piece—far too outrageous and
insensitive"), on December 3rd. Here it is already Monday, December
20th, and it doesns't seem right that I haven't replied to either of
those postings so far. My Believer is being anxious that you two won't
approve of me because of that.
But . . . . there is that other method that I mentioned: "when it comes
to me to reply," or "when it fits best with the lesson plan." Sometimes
there are occasions when it just comes to me, as if in a whole package,
*everything I'd like to say in response to a given posting. It may be
while I'm in the middle of doing something else, sometimes even in the
middle of the night, and I am suddenly *wide awake, and there is nothing
else for me but to come down and turn on the computer and git' writin'!
I've felt that a lot of my best classes have just come to me in this
way, as if the whole response is entirely clear, all laid out in my mind
before I write down the first sentence of it. But this wasn't the case
with these postings of Suz and Lydia. In fact, I've read printouts of
those postings again and again, often while out at the ranch, and they
are both *covered with annotations that I've penned on them of thoughts
that have come to me at those times. So I haven't been waiting for the
responses to "come to me" with those postings; I've known much of what
I've had to say in response to them for a long time already now.
But this seems like "the right time" to write those classes now. It
fits in just right with the lesson plan. And so, they are at the top of
"my writing schedule" for this week. Before we wrap up this first
semester of First Grade—this first experimental semester, I might say—
I'd like for us to take a real good look at this phenomenon of
projecting that Lydia brings to the fore. I do it. We all do it. And
the best thing is if all of us can learn to *recognize it, as often as
possible, and as soon as possible, when this projecting is going on.
And there's no time like the holiday season to begin getting into the
area of emotional feelings more deeply. And guilt is the perfect
emotional feeling to study as this season comes along, because guilt is
a very prevalent emotion among the people of the land when Christmas is
upon us. Suz' sharing last December 7th gives some truly fascinating
and illuminating glimpses of exactly what guilt *is! And I'd like to
take off with some teaching from those remarks.
A few more words here: this posting, of course, is more of my attempt
to share my own personal process in conducting this school with you
students, so that you can have a better understanding of the "rhythm and
pace" of what seems to be going on around here. And I will certainly
welcome your input on any ways that we can continue improving the
comfort and predictability of this on-line classroom process for *you.
As most of you know, I always work in the country on weekends. I've
noticed over the last few months that I tend to get up early on Mondays
to take out the garbage, usually do a few quick chores, and then go back
to bed and sleep until noon or later. (This is partly because I'm full
of energy when I get home again on Sunday night after my "two-day week."
I usually fix a really nice dinner, watch tv or play some music, and *
entertain myself late into the night with hobbies and enjoyments that I
have.) Mondays, then, are "half-days" when I usually try to get some
more chores done, answer e-mails, make phone-calls, "take care of
business," etc., etc. So I'm not usually posting very much in Classroom
Talk on Mondays. Wednesdays are the days I make a lot of apppointments
I have to keep.
So, the days when my postings are most likely to occur in Classroom Talk
are Tuesdays, Thursday, and Fridays. If you look back, I've been
posting on all the other days of the week, as well. But those are the
three days that I tend to post the most. If a student wishes to pick up
on my weekly postings by visiting here only one day a week, the best
single time for that, I think, would be Friday afternoons.
Even if I only post late in a given week, as that sometimes happens, I
usually drop in here to Classroom Talk every day at some point to read
and print out your postings. In case anyone is wondering, I'd estimate
that I put in an average of twenty hours per week at this job over the
long haul. (l can't remember when I've had a job that I've enjoyed
more!)
So, maybe all this will help some of you be better acclimated to the
"rhythm and pace" of this class, as we move ahead toward the second
semester of First Grade in January 2000. I'm looking forward to it very
much.
Coach
Welcome back, Musfaad. Glad to hear from you again. Can't seem to
figure out your story this time, though. Maybe some of the other
students here will catch your meaning. Perk, do you have an insight on
"Khidr and Uwais?"
Ninad, may I hear from you by e-mail, please?
Jabr, you still out there?
Pauline, are you around?
Alexander, did you ever make it over here to the class?
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Archived February 13, 2000