About a balanced mindfulness practice.
Posted by John on November 05, 2001 at 14:22:47:

In Reply to: Re: Another Monster posted by Jeff on November 03, 2001 at 12:48:47:

If a student is interested in availing himself or herself of all the best resources that are available here in this school, don't forget the valuable store of
wisdom that is held collectively by the older students around here who have been learning about this approach for a long time in conjunction with their
own ongoing personal studies and practices.

A person might have read through this last posting by Jeff without stopping and realizing the abundance of Knowledge that is reflected there, and the
importance of the point that he is sharing.

Jeff, by the way, is the student among all the students who have been participating here who is the *least* interested in praise and flattery. No, maybe
that is Sally. Well, neither one of these good people are affected by approval in the slightest, so far as I can see. I've even fallen into trying it out, as a
sleepful manipulation with both of them, heh-heh, and it hasn't gotten me anywhere.

I point this out to you, Bruce (and others with a habit of seeking approval from others), simply to bring into high relief the fact that different ones of
us *are* different from each other. You can look at Sally or Jeff as ones who are opposite from you in this respect. That was so when they got here.
Some people crave approval from others, and others will shrug when they are praised, or frown, and pour cold water on it. They don't need it, to
function at their best. From this we can see that needing to have approval from others in NOT a universal essential ingredient for humans in having a
happy and masterful life. And *needing* to have approval can be a painful, unnecessary weight to carry around.

As usual, there are half a dozen other people in this class who have already studied this here in the past, and shown that they have mastered this
dependency habit—a.k.a. "the speed factor" (in their obvious classroom participation here), yet, who can also benefit by contemplating this point. I
don't think Eon and Lou would be averse to being transparent in this sub-group of you could-be "class speedsters" around here.

And Rakesh handled this one in a flash!

When I apologized for passing over the "Part Two" class I'd intended to focus on him, Rakesh let me off the hook in an open, experience-sharing way
that was convincing for me in its authenticity. And only that could have taken the weight off of me, as it did. Rakesh said in effect, "It's okay, Coach.
I'm not second-guessing the way you coach this class. And I say that coming from deeply felt Hindu traditions that are natural to me." (Words to that
effect.) Rakesh isn't into making a problem out of it. Rakesh is into making a solution out of it. He has spotted a way that he can actively contribute
his part to having this class be a real class, injustices and all. And part of that has been getting off of being in a hurry on the spot, which he has done.

Three cheers for Rakesh, everybody!!! Hip-hip . . . hooray! . . . Hip-hip . . . hooray!! . . . Hip-hip . . . hooray!!!

Rakesh will remember, even if others of you don't, that a long time ago I once wrote a "Part One" for his benefit, and I've never got around to writing
that "Part Two" yet! I was planning, as a response to that ommission, to write a class about the injustices that go on in Classroom Talk. And the
general injustice here—as far as I can see—is that many wonderful questions don't get answered for a long, long time. And many other wonderful
questions don't get answered at all.

There are times when I feel very bad about that. I don't call myself names, or put myself down any more—Doormat thinking habits that I once used
to do too much of in past years. Yet, I do *feel* bad about it sometimes. I feel ashamed. Even sometimes I feel depressed about it.

And yet I don't *accomodate it* when this comes up in my mind. When I remember that I still haven't finished that Part Two for Rakesh, or that
Mindful Job Search class I once promised Eon (which a couple of others of you have asked for, as well), I don't accomodate it by stepping right up and
getting those classes done.

And that is an injustice.

There are often pertinent coaching considerations that accompany the actions I take, or don't take around here, however. For instance, old-timers will
realize that I have always had you "speedsters" take a hard look at slowing down, and all of you have learned to do that. I hadn't "tested" you in this
yet, Bruce, and on Friday I decided (among many considerations, including being sure that I was being honest about not just talking about stopping,
but really am able to stop), I decided to extend that "pause" through last weekend and on into this week. Did my stopping like that leave you running
a race with your Self, by any chance? Were you bothered about it—for instance, palpably, bodily impatient? Perhaps you were in a space more like,
"Oh, well, the next lesson will come along when it comes along. I might as well get silly and have some fun this weekend. And tomorrow will take care
of itself." (Words to that effect.)

When I mentioned awhile back that perfectionism seemed to be speeding you up, and depression seemed to be slowing you down, my idea in that is in
coaching you to not be effected by either one of those automatic, habitual forces that are running your life. If you can learn to step aside from both of
those personality patterns, you can travel along at a mellow pace, without being hurried, and without being slowed down. That's a pace a mindful
warrior is looking for in life. And it can be found. And that's the pace that I was looking for in not going ahead and composing "Part Two" last
Friday. I know I can do it when I get to it. I don't have to be in a hurry. And I don't have to be slowed down, either . . . . . except in this mindful
exercise of seeing if I'm really being straight with my Being, that I can, indeed—obvious and apparent—slow down, and pause, and stop, when I
decide, as an experiment, to do so.

There's only one way to find out. And that's by making a mindful exercise out of it and seeing what happens. And this is another little exercise model
for any of you who are interested in doing a little transformative work with one or two of your habitual personality patterns—as found in any of the
eight types in the wheelbook.

Now I'd like to go back to Jeff's posting, and the important wisdom in that. I don't call Jeff "the Great Balancer" to butter-him-up, because, as noted,
he doesn't care if I approve of him or not. (And I feel fine with Jeff about that!). I call him a balancer to remind the rest of you students here to check
out the things he's posting "in that light." It's amazing to me what an art you have made of this talent, Jeff. It seems you absorb and assimilate the
totality of what's happening here in Classroom Talk at particular times, and, somehow (I don't know how you do it. Maybe it's just *natural* in you!)
you always (or, in most of your posts) manage to have recognized some kind of an imbalance in whatever-all it is that's going on here then. And you
express this in such a way that I am able to catch on to the imbalance of the situation in the light of what you are seeing and expressing of it.

Let us all try to see for a little while what "the balance" of all that's been happening nowadays in Classroom Talk may have been. It seems to me the
preponderance of the emphasis has been in—how shall I say it?—a leaping forward in the sophistication and *finiteness* of the data we are studying
together now. This is only possible, of course, because of those of you who are here now. I couldn't have "made it be" this way. It is a technological
leap forward in the experiential study of how a mindfulness practitioner can learn to play the awareness game. I've been caught up in excitement
about this. In fact, I've been waiting for us to reach this "level" (or maybe "state," as a community of people meeting here) as a class for a long, long
time, where it is possible to be coaching fluently this way about personality and possibly have the coaching being understood experientially—I
wondered, back in the Summer of 1998, whether this on-line class could *ever* evolve to a point where we could all be cool enough together to be
doing this, the way we have recently started doing this here now.

Now you students may remember that I mentioned the idea not so long ago of having "a balanced mindfulness practice." It seems to me that Jeff's
tenor lead here is calling the attention of all of us back to that important theme. Where we have all gone over so heavily in the emphasis of this class
into working on the emotional feelings, working on the judgmental thinking, working on the personality patterns, in such a "gung-ho" fashion, if I may
put it that way, Jeff's voice speaks up for remembering a balanced mindfulness practice.

Everyone here needs to really understand this point: a balanced mindfulness practice is NOT heavily devoted to the resolute, hour-by-hour practice
of examining and dealing skillfully with ego-driven personality. There is the rest of life, as well. A balanced mindfulness practice is NOT about slipping
one's ego, or even about being free. A balanced mindfulness practice is about awarely assimilating *the whole spectrum of Nature and Being* in an
even-handed way throughout the day.

If you only focus on personal problems, and you don't get up and go out and have fun (Jeff points out one of the most notorious *absolute cures* for
depression here, by the way!), then your practice is not being balanced. Working on problems, which is work on one's Self, is then only supposed to
be *one* of the varied aspects of one's daily mindfulness practice.

Work on one's Self is not helpful if work on one's Self, takes over the whole spectrum of one's mindfulness practice from morning to night. Obsessing
on working on one's Self (what you might take as an aspect of "spiritual perfectionism," Bruce) is not the efficient way to go about it.

The efficient way to go about it is to be mindful with Nature in the morning, and be with your body as you are walking the halls of your house, be
with your chores, and your meals when you are preparing and eating them. Be with your ablutions. Be with your recreation. Be with any of the little
things that pop up and stand out for you in high relief along all these ways. And fun IS where you find it!

And, here and there, when obvious reaction to the impacts of life are going on in you—when there's *big score* on the scoreboard in the obvious
tensions that are going on—this is when—in a balanced practice—you can wake up and do these kinds of things that I've been talking about so much
during these days, heh-heh, putting practically all of the emphasis in class on this, during these recent busy (and I think, wonderful) weeks.

Once again, the Great Balancer has reached my heart. And I am able to see a broadened perspective here in Classroom Talk than I was seeing before,
a perspective that is broader than the things I want. Thanks, Jeff, for that exercise, which moved my attention beyond the fringes of what I want,
and let me see more glimpses of who I am.

Coach

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