Classroom Talk
Fall 2001 Archive
Part Two (C): Some songs of the Essence, by comparison. Posted by John on November 09, 2001 at 22:51:33:
It was all songs of Essence when you were posting "Resistance, Shame, and Depression" on Sunday, October 6th, Bruce. No ego-driven personality
was around in you that day. In terms of perfectionism, you couldn't have been a more perfect student than you were that time. It was a posting that
fairly cried out for immediate praise and acknowledgement by any coach that was paying attention. And I didn't respond!
As it happened, I see by the date of my print-out, I didn't get to see that post until Tuesday. I guess I did take that Monday off. It was a great job
you did that Sunday, yet a great job that didn't get any approval. If you were in it for approval, you were out of luck, and you were discontent with
life. If you were in it for doing a great job, you were in luck, because a great job is what you did. Do you see my point here? If you were in it for the
great job you can do, *per se* it was a day of victory for you. If long-standing habits of perfectionism and seeking approval had a hold of your
thinking during that time, that's a good example of how personality "gets in the way of" a happy life.
>Thanks John for sharing your wisdom and self-transparency.
Beautiful way of putting it! I never thought of it that way before. I like it. I don't know if you've noticed, but I've adopted that concept of
"transparency" right into the technical lingo of the training that I'm coaching here. Over the long haul, lots of students here have given me phrases in
class that I've adopted that way, ever enriching the language of the coaching that's going on here. Thank you, Bruce, for putting it that way.
>I've been suffering from flu symptoms for a couple of weeks and haven't been able to get my "juice" level up.
Now this is interesting! This is a perfect opportunity for the Martyr to pipe in with at least a few heart-rending notes (i.e. literally, "the blues."). If
you've got a Martyr in your basic make-up, Bruce, where's the "woe is me," "how could this be happening to me" part? You pass by this frank sharing
with no typical Martyr suffering at all, no itemization of at least a little of the specific pains that you've been going through. Martyrs tend to "suffer
out loud" that way. So, if there's a strong Martyr in your make-up, Bruce, this day you stepped aside from it completely, and came forth as a pure
warrior.
I don't know if to congratulate you, or not. Heh-heh. I'm still not sure about that Martyr in your basic make-up. Well, this post you did that day has
no ego-driven personality in it. I can congratulate you for that! . . . . . until the very, very end, that is. Heh-heh. It's a posting that's all essence. And
then a giant lie at the very, very, very end. And a very giant lie it is, too.
>Thanks to your phenomenological descriptions of the basic feelings, I'm waking up to the fact that I am DEPRESSED!
That's no lie. This is what's called "a bona fide insight," a very important one in your case. To a man or a woman who is dedicated to learning how a
human being operates and to learning how to do transformative work, this would be an occasion for rejoicing. I'm not kidding. This is the posture to
cultivate around here. And . . . . . so far, so good! Since that posting that day, you have gone on acting as a man who is dedicated to learning
transformative work. Having insights like this is quintessential in this kind of work. How else can you work on this to change it, unless you see it in
high relief for what it is? Insights of this magnitude can be exponentially valuable to those who are willing to change and who wish to grow. I pray to
do my part as best I can, in making this insight valuable to you during these classes now.
>I'm also waking up to how much RESISTANCE I experience to practicing self-observation and mindfulness.
Excellent! *Waking up to it*, you have seen it for what it is. You have experienced it. You have tasted it, and *felt* it. You have *known* it. It isn't
really *that big of an obstacle*! And, obviously, this natural resistance that we all have at first has not been strong enough to hold you back in the
progress you are making with this training. I see that, and I hope you do, too.
>Can you describe how the experience of Shame (inner self-devaluation) accompanies and contributes to depression?
Here's another great example of using mere words as mindful terminology, also known as speaking "the language of Being." "Shame (inner self-
devaluation)" is a wonderful encapsulating little term, that juxtaposes the bodily experience of the feeling of shame, and the thinking mind "talk-overs"
of self-devaluation.
And "talk-overs!" That's another great one, Man! I'll be using "talk-overs" from now on in coaching the awareness game!
We can certainly make a true generalization about you, Bruce, at this point. You are a great worder. You have a natural essential talent in this, much
like Jeff is such a great balancer. This talent as a great worder could apply in the careers of writers, public speakers, teachers, communicators with
other people in many fields . . . especially, in your case, existential/phenomenological fields of all kinds of practice. On the wheel—what is the person
doing here?—this talented attribute would seem to me to go with the Teacher (the *essential side* of the Teacher/Con Artist.)
It's been my experience over the years that most people I've worked with appear to have good helpings of the essential qualities of all eight of the
types around the wheel (whereas, mainly, they usually have only the habitual personality patterns of just three of the types around the wheel). And
whether or not you often "go too far" and act-out the manipulations and defenses of the Con Artist (the personality side here) in your daily life, you
do appear to have a rich helping of the essential Teacher in your make-up.
>And could you say something about Resistance? to becoming mindful of one's present emotional states?
Well, we've discussed my "tardiness" in getting around to this.
>I believe Kierkegaard refered to this pehenomenon as Dread of Transparency before oneself (and God).
Yes, I think Kierkegaard was looking at the same thing when he spoke of that. Great way he put it! Aha! So I notice you were passing on
"transparency" to me from Kierkegaard. Neat! So that's how learning happens, passing these great "words for it" around among each other. What
are you doing here? It *is* intellectual, yes, and sophisticated. But it *isn't over my head* this time, so it isn't Con Artist. The person is *teaching* here.
It's a clear, experiential teaching. You are being a Teacher again here. This is the music of the essential Teacher, who isn't looking to be talking
impressively over the students heads, but is looking, instead, to connect with his or her listeners *experientially*. Outstanding teaching, I'd say!
Thanks for it. Job well done!
And now—ta-dah!!!—we get to the end of your posting that Sunday. Like I said, you couldn't have been any more perfect a student than you were
being that day. And yet . . .
>Lifelessly,
Bruce
There's that thinking mind, with another bald-faced lie. You have been fully alive on this Sunday in your sharings with the rest of us here. That's
obvious and apparent. What a heavy thinking-mind label that is to put upon your Self. That's *heavy*!!! You were NOT being "lifeless" here! That's
bullshit! You were being full of life, and your music was coming from the Essence you were born with all the way! You were living to the hilt here, my
friend! From the point of view of mindfulness training, it doesn't get any better than that.
What your Self-punishing mental judgment at the very end here tells me is that perfectionism will never work for you. I'm sorry, but it sure looks that
way to me! For *even when you are being perfect*—for cryin' out loud!— you aren't satisfied. Perfectionism seems to show up to be a habit that's
insatiable. And, by distracting you from your real life, it can cheat you out of everything you wish for and love, and deserve! And here, at the end of
this perfect posting, it has cheated you out of a moment of well-earned exhultation and feeling proud over the obvious greatness that's already in you,
and left you with a sense of . . . failure.
Do you see what I mean? If you'd signed off: "Wow! I didn't know I had it in me! I've been rockin' 'n' rollin' today, Folks!!!" (or words to that
effect) . . . . . that would have better described the reality of your Being on that Sunday morning in every way . . . . . except in that danged pesky lyin'
thinking mind, where "lifeless" is just a word that came along and popped up in your mind there, just a judgment, just a self-administered punishment
that doesn't take into account the real You that is really showing forth here in real life.
So . . . . I'm still a long way from finished with this series of classes, Folks. And it's the weekend again, and I'm called away to earn a living for awhile.
Please keep holding off on your feedback awhile longer, Bruce. It looks like "Part Two" is going to have at least a "Part Two (D) next week, and
maybe a "Part Two (E)!" And then— before I get into those answers you gave to my two questions—I'll be ready for all the feedback that you'd care
to give about all this. I hope you'll bear with me. I hope you'll all bear with me as these classes evolve.
The truth of it is, Bruce, that you *are* alive! You can recognize this and feel this every time you wake up and are here now in there behind those
eyes. Keep working on not being identified with the pains you feel and the things you think in reaction to those pains—that is, by stepping back in
your consciousness, and watching them for what they are.
And for Pete's sake, guy! Be a little more fair about it! Will you? Be a little more fair with *you*. Even though you may be finding it's your Fate to be
logging a lot of down time in depression these days, as least try to have the presence of mind to wake up and acknowledge it fairly when—whether
with acknowledgedment and approval, or not!!!—*entirely independent* of whatever any other people might think of it!!!—you've risen up to your
Destiny, and you *can see* that it's your own true natural greatness that's going on . . . as in this very essential, very high quality posting on that so-
called "lifeless" Sunday. "Lifeless?" Get outa here! ;-)
Love y'all. See ya' next week.
Hi, Sally! Gotta go, for now.
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