Classroom Talk
Fall 2001 Archive
A deeper listen. Posted by John on December 12, 2001 at 14:23:43:
In Reply to: Re: There ya go again! ;-) posted by lou on December 11, 2001 at 00:23:01:
As I did previously, before going on with Bruce's next e-mail on Friday the 30th, I'd like to go back over his twin e-mails of that Thursday the 29th for
some closer phenomenological scrutiny. These letters, coming about an hour apart, provide us with some beautiful examples of the difference between
the tones of the music of the Believer, and the tones of the music of the Judge. I hope this will be clearly audible to the ears of all of you here!
Thanks again, Bruce, for sitting in the hotseat this way. I hope from the bottom of my heart that you will be rewarded with useful insights for having
the determination to stick it out through this confrontive process that I am employing . . . And I hope I am doing this tenderly enough not to be
hurting you. Please let me hear from you about that!
Okay . . . . . you Folks wanna see some "word for word" utilization of this kind of diagnostic skill? Here goes:
There is one word in the English language that is probably more highly characteristic of the Believer personality type than any other word in the
language. I became aware of this some years ago because I—having a Believer in my own make-up (along with Doormat and Rebel)—used to use this
word so frequently that students called my attention to it, and I finally caught on. If you scan my tapes in this school to this day, you may still spot
this word popping up in my dialogue from time to time.
And this word is "really."
Because of their habitual conditioning since childhood, Believers do a lot of believing—hence, the name for this type. They are the type that is the most
concerned with ascertaining "the truth," that is to say, what is real. Judges are the ones who are the most concerned with what is "right." But
Believers, because they believe so much, are the ones who are most anxious about determining the "truth," what is real of what they believe.
There are two ways that this comes up in Believer music. One is when the other person is telling that Believer something that might come across as a
"tall tale," a blatant exaggeration, something that sounds far-fetched, or seems like the other person is only kidding them about something. In this
situation, even when what the other person is saying sounds ridiculously far-fetched, a Believer is liable to reply: "Really???"
"Really?" as a question, is a phrase that comes up when a person really ought to be able to see right away that the other person's statement is a far-
fetched exaggeration, or just "kidding around." Believers are often being "naive" about this. Believer's *believe what other people say too easily*!
Because of this recognizeable vulnerability, Believers get kidded a lot by other people.
"Really???" they say.
"Naw, I was just pulling your leg, heh-heh," the friend replies.
And I wouldn't be surprised if everyone here in class knows at least one person that has this characteristic, in their family, or where they work, or
among the pals that they hang around with.
It is because of this tendancy to believe other people too easily, that Believers get hurt in life a lot by this vulnerability. They counted on the other,
they trusted the other, they believed in the other . . . . . and the other person let them down . . . again! The other person that they trusted didn't
come through with what was promised . . . again! Being let down by other people this way, being "fooled," when they have believed in them,
accounts for some of the most painful events that happen in Believer's lives.
Believers are the ones—around our personality wheel—who are fooled and taken advantgage of the most often in life. Believers are—and I know
personally, because I used to be this way for such a long time in my life—Believers are "the suckers" on the personality wheel. Con Artists, who make
their livings by fooling other people and taking advantage of those who believe them, are always on the look-out for Believers to con. And
professional con- artists are trained in recognizing Believers as they're walking in the door. And they know just how to go to work on them, step by
step. And that's even without having a tool like the personality wheel! Believers who show this vulnerability overtly are easy marks. In the criminal
realm, most, by far, of the victims of criminal con-artists have the Believer as one of their main personality types.
If you're playing poker, and there's a "really" spoken at the table, that's the person to bluff, right there. Well, uh, it's not my intention to start a school
of crime and gambling around here. But the world of crime is part of the real world that can be studied, too.
When they are relating with you, there are times that come up, especially in tense "engagements," as we speak of that here, when Believers want so
very much to ask you if what you are saying is *really* the truth. "Is it really, really the truth?" It's completely understandible, and one can sympathize
whole-heartedly, to realize that they've *been hurt so much* in life by believing in too much that didn't turn out to be truth.
And, Believers don't wish to hurt other people that way, either (as they assume, without knowing about the other types, that anyone else ought to be
able to empathize with their painful associations with this issue in the same way that they do). So it just seems to go right along with this need to know
that what *you* are saying is really the truth, that when Believers are sharing their own truths (and they are the most personally honest people on the
wheel!) they add in the word "really" to *emphasize and make clear* to the other person that what they are saying to them is the honest truth. "It
really was the best movie I've ever seen." They vouch for the truth of it by saying "really." And you can hear the music of their enthusiasm and
excitement for the truth when they do this.
What I'm going to do here now is extrapolate from the first of Bruce's twin e-mails the parts that show what this music of enthusiasm and excitement
for the truth *sounds like*.
>John
>What I find extremely enlightening is your HERMENEUTICAL skill
Do you hear the music of excitement in that?
>Believer, Doormat, Judge---so what! What I really look forward to and would like to learn from you is
Do you see how that "really" there adds a *push* of enthusiasm and excitement to the tone of it?
>This is what I've been impatiently waiting for.
Do you sense the passionate speeding up of the tone up to here?
>What do you think?
Now here there is a pause in the music. It is polite to pause and see what I might have to say, after all! It is the polite Believer that most often tends to
ask others for their advice, and for their approval. "What do you think?" This is a phenomenological snapshot of . . . what is the person doing here? .
. . you, Bruce, asking me for advice—*a quintessential dance* of the Believer.
This was when you offered that it would be okay if I did the exercise with another "Case Study." My sense of this was that it was, again, "being
polite" (Believer politeness ties in with wishing to be approved of by being polite) . . . maybe! . . . Perhaps I do you an injustice here, and I apologize if
so! I had a hunch that the offer you made here was made for politeness's sake, as it doesn't seem somehow to be a real option from my point of view.
Sorry if that's harsh, bruddah. I'm just tryin' to spot the apparent phenomenology of it. Please post in and correct me, Bruce, wherever I'm obviously
off-base in your own true inward experience of it. — After all, I'm only guessing from out here.
>I really wanted to see you dissect my childhood origin tapes; that's the kind of stuff that will really wake me up.
Aha, really . . . REALLY! ;-) I really do believe the truth of this from your side of our relationship, bruddah. . . . . . But what about my side of
things? What about the real world logistics (including Deirdre's term denoting personal logistics) of my getting through my own life every day, and
getting this class taught for all of you students every week here as best as I am able? Are you paying as much attention and sensitivity to "my world,"
as you are paying to your world? When you are singing "What about me?!?!?" are you remembering the other side of the human equation of
relationship?
Let me put these excerpts all together in one lyric now, so you can hear the tones of the music of it all together:
>What I find extremely enlightening is
>What I really look forward to and would like to learn is
>This is what I've been impatiently waiting for
>What do you think?
>I really wanted to see you dissect my . . .
>that's the kind of stuff that will really wake me up.
This, Ladies and Gentlemen, is a good sample of the rapidly flowing music of the Believer in our personality wheel. Listen to the tone of it. Of course,
knowing that one word "really" is a *typical lick* for that type of music helps out a lot in hearing this particular refrain clearly. Remembering that one
can, uh, really be a big help, indeed, Folks! Really! Can you *feel* the enthusiasm and excitement in that lyric? . . . along with the hurry and impatience
in it! I really hope so! I really hope you have ears that can hear this music playing when it's sounding forth in your space!
Now, an hour later, the music of Bruce's dialogue takes a distinctly different tone:
>John
>After reading your e-mail I went to sleep and had a very painful nightmare. You were a star player in the drama. While reading your letter last night I thought the tone of it was "edgy" and"tricky"
Oh-oh. It doesn't look like the star player in this movie gets to be one of the good guys. "Edgy" and "tricky" are judgments. Whether correct or not
we don't know, but judgments they are, per se. This is the music of the Judge. And, as it has "just come to you" to portray this information by saying,
"star player in the drama" . . . . . it's interesting to note that the very context of theater, stage-plays, "drama," entertainment . . . falls into the province
of the Player/Judge on our wheel. That octant is the one that is most closely associated with the Field of Theater, itself. "The play's the thing!"
>Then I had this nightmare which was included terrible scenes of Trickery, Deception, and Cruelty.
These are things to be judged, right? Trickery, deception, and cruelty are things that we usually all judge rather harshly, indeed. And as noted
earlier in this class, it is Believers who have the biggest beef with trickery and deception, in particular, among all the wrong things in this world that
cause different people pain! But the tide of the music here sounds mainly judging to me. These are "terrible scenes." That's a blatant judgment.
(Maybe right, maybe wrong, of course! But, per se, what it is is a judgment.) And most of the time, it is the emotional feeling of anger that gives rise
to most of our judgments as humans. It is anger when the mouth and lower jaw are clutched-up with gripping tensions, and a *feelable* growl forms
on the face. That's the anger itself!
>In Drama School, I've written 21 stage plays
Seeing that this has actually played such a large spontaneous part in your life, Bruce, this adds a lot of weight to the idea that your third type may well
be the Player/Judge, the octant of Drama . . . . . and, if you might ever be into it, High Comedy, as well. At least we can see that this is an interest in
which you have been investing your Being on your own energy. It is "true Self stuff" in our lingo here—something you have chosen because it's *in
you*. It is "your thing," or, "one of your things." Writing plays is something you like to do, something that "comes natural" to you, something you feel
you have talent for, something you feel you can grow to be very good at.
Just on the moment I had a flash of the kind of comedy that Cary Grant used to do—especially in his old black-and-white movies. You remind me a bit
of that, at times, come to think of it.
>my teachers, for example, would always point out that I never leave anything to subtext—I would let it all out.
Yes! I think I may understand what they meant by that! If they "always" pointed it out, that's like my old students here in Tucson always pointing out
how much I used to use the word "really." Sometimes people around us can see blatant habits we have that we don't recognize by ourselves. (That's
why a coach like me is confrontive.)
Is it possible your drama professors meant that some of your dialogue was "too obvious," "too naively open," "ingeniously transparent," "leaving
nothing undisclosed?" . . . something like that? If that's so, that could mean that the vulnerabilities of your Believer were diluting the even-handed
play-writing sensibilities of your Player in your work. Do you see what I mean by that? Did some of your characters say "really" when their
eagerness would better have served the drama of the scene as undisclosed sub-text?
In terms of the phenomenology of this e-mail, the remarks here sounded pretty edgy to me. Next thing was:
>I think your praise of Gurdjieff and Perls who both lauded tricking, stinging, attacking others for their own good rubs me the wrong way.
Good! So you have woken up here that there is score on your scoreboard. Well, you "think" that, you say. Perhaps if you had woken up more fully
as you were writing this, you *might have felt* some tensions in your jaw at this point.
This *might have been* an honest and legitimate moment when your candid expression to me, yer tender ol' coach, could have been a forthright
declaration of emotional feeling.
"I'm feeling angry with you, Coach." If you were really feeling angry then, as I think you were, "I'm feeling angry with you, Coach" would have been
a *beautiful example of communication* by one mindful warrior for peace to another.
If this were the truth—and I'm not sure you recollect the experience the same way—my coaching advice to you would have been to tell me: "I'm
feeling angry with you, Coach."
I know this may seem absurd, but the awareness game coaches that saying "I feel afraid," "I feel lonely," "I feel angry," "I feel jealous (or, rejected)," "I
feel ashamed," "I feel anxious," "I feel sad," and "I feel guilty," are among the best communications that human folks can make. To bring one's honestly
felt emotional feelings into the conversation brings a loud ring of REALITY into what two people know and understand about the reality of the human
situation that they share.
I think we agreed after some discussion last year here in class that there are no rules in Classroom Talk, "except what should be obvious without
rules." And in case it hasn't been clear before now, there are certainly NO rules against expressing one's honestly experienced emotional feelings in this
class. On the contrary, I encourage it, from here on out. And specifically, there is no rule here against saying, "I am feeling angry with you, Coach." If
that is your truth, I encourage your expressing that, openly and candidly. . . . . . If you go on into calling me names, and passing judgments, heh-heh, I
*might be* rubbed the wrong way about that.
For when you do tell me you are being angry, I will know and understand immediately the truth of where you are at. And I will almost certainly
wake up to this thankful candor on the spot, and start playing the awareness game for peace and harmony *as well as I am able*!
>[re my quotations of Gurdjieff and Perls] Hence, my unconscious is evidently having its trust in you shattered or at least questioned. This nightmare was one of the most disturbing I've had.
"I feel angry at you, Coach. And I *feel anxious* about you, too!"
I understand. It's a normal way of reacting in the ordinary human condition. "Trust," as we've been discussing, is the powerful need of the Believer,
and to have trust shattered, or even shaken, brings much anxiety. So we see that there are both Judge (anger) and Believer (anxiety) on your "pain
body," as Tolle described it, as you lay down for this troubled dream.
>I take special pains to correct your misperception that I show an attitude that I know how to
"Special" sounds like a "really" here to me, if you see what I mean. In harmony with that urgency for me to acknowledge your truth here, note that *
correcting other people's mistakes and misperceptions* is a truly quintessential song of the Judge. Judges are all about telling people "You're wrong,
and I'm right." This is a phenomenological snapshot of you telling me: "You're wrong, Coach." Now, I yield to the fact that you *are* "right" about
this issue from your own experiences of your life. I can't see what you are seeing in saying this. I'm only shining a light on *the form of* the expression
here, the *How?* with which you address the conversation. — How? By correcting. So there's Believer "sincerity music" at the start of that line, and
Judge "judging music" chiming in.
> . . . If I praise you I'm accused of . . . . . on the other hand, if I offer some feedback I'm regarded as a
You are reasoning with me here. Again, I imagine a visual of you with your hands held out before you, palms up, in a gesture of "weighing things on
the Scale of Justice." (Do you ever do that gesture, Bruce?) And, there may be some anger behind this (which is perfectly understandable, if so!!!) I
think I may hear a slight tone of "righteous indignation," as they say. Can you feel that? This whole line of reasoning about injustice here is mild, yet it
seems to have tones of the music of the Judge to me.
>Simple, loving, honest, humble, strong, and direct is what works best with me. Speaking the Truth from Love is what I like best.
Yes, I do understand how important honesty and Truth are to you, Bruddah. And would that we All would have people always treating us the ways
that you describe here!!! But . . . . . what if a person is feeling "hurried up by your impatience" without your realizing that? What if a person is feeling
judged by you, without your realizing that? What if those are stingers for another person that you encounter in your life, and they rub that other
person the wrong way? What can you expect of them then? What you may get back . . . because life, sadly, is so much this way . . . is wounding
stingers back, and knee-jerk efforts by the other person to even the score . . . and pain in your life without knowing where it is coming from.
The First Noble Truth of the Buddha is that there is suffering in life. And the Second Noble Truth is that we, our unawakened Selves, are the cause of
most of that suffering. Without any of us being aware of it (unless we are aware of it!) the excesses of our ego-driven personalities (which are only
trying to get us what we want) can get in our way and prevent us from having blessings that we otherwise have coming. And personality—the
habituated patterns that we have grown up with—can actually bring pain to our bodies.
>mixed messages, ploys, play-action passes, etc... They are in my mind and here's a line from my nightmare "Superfluous and Gratuitous." In short, I perceived your e-mail as being replete with mixed, contradictory, and unclear messages.
Sounds like more judgments about things that make you angry here. Aren't those "judgments" per se? And no one can blame you if you are being
angry, if that is the truth. I don't blame you. And it seems to me the music of Judgly anger is plain to hear.
>I'll take a silence fast now,
>Bruce
That is sweet music to my ears, indeed. It tells me that you are in command of you again. You have gotten all this stuff you are apparently angry
about off of your chest. And you have had the graciousness, the warrior presence of mind, to convey to me that you are calling your own shots
again. You have "called a truce."
>Eager to continue the sacred work! Be my Coach, be my friend, be my teacher! That's what I really want.
I, uh, really do understand that, Bruce. And I thank you for it from the bottom of my heart, as well. Instead of leaving me wondering in an abyss of
confusion about how badly our colleagial efforts had been damaged by the emotional reactions that you've had to me at this point, you have made this
truly warriorlike gesture of kindness and healing in behalf of yer ol' coach's peace. Bravo! In the circumstances, this doesn't come across to me as
merely being polite. It sounds like music coming from your heart. I feel loved.
.......................................................................
I guess this is enough for the class today. Still on the bill, the final "reconciling" e-mails of this series, and a look at the information provided by the
answers that Bruce gave me to those two questions I had asked about his childhood memories.
This week has been extra filled with blessings and good things for me, that have, unfortunately, been tying up my time more than is usual. I do hope
to get another class done this week, however.
So much for now. I'm starting to get a little into "the holiday spirit" again. That's good! I suspect the season is knocking on the doors of the rest of
you, too. I suggest we plan to take our annual school Holiday Vacation this year from Saturday, December 22nd, until Friday, January 4th. I'll be out
at the ranch much of that time. I am good at making that into "a vacation" for me! I'll plan to drop in on that Friday the 4th for a look-see if anybody
else is around here. (As usual, any of you who care to visit with each other around here during vacations are welcome to post while I'm gone.)
So, that gives us Thursday and Friday of this week, and Tuesday through Friday of next week to finish up as much of the work as we can of the
work we are doing now.
"Tis the season to be jolly. And me, I'm gonna be 67 in a couple of weeks. Hard to believe, hard to believe. Really!
Coach
Oh yeah, please go back and compare the sounds of the music in today's twin e-mails, and try to hear the distinctly different pattern of tones that is
sounding in each of them. Thank you all for your efforts in this exercise. I'll see you again as soon as I can.
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