Classroom Talk
Fall 2001 Archive
No Way Out Posted by Eon on December 18, 2001 at 07:00:19:
In Reply to: I'm still here? posted by John on December 17, 2001 at 22:07:09:
Well, what can I say? I have problems..As all of us do. (but still
making them bigger for me that they are, and realizing it but still
doing it). I “work” at my father’s place- really not working anything,
just sitting there-and still getting paid. I think he is worried about
me. He believes I am in a sect-and meditating for him is just wasting
time sitting with closed eyes. I live separated in a flat above his and
my mother’s, but still he pays the bills for electricity, telephone,
water, and all. What do you say-A PARASITE, A ZOMBIE. It’s like I am in
a trap. I know it’s making me unhappy and depressed but I can not see a
way out. It’s not easy to find a job here these days, which will make
me independent. Yes. Independent, is what I am craving for all of these
years and still falling back into the same old shitty trap. I feal
disappointed, and can’t see a way out really. I have no joy in life.
This is influencing my relationship with my girlfriend(yes we are still
together)- it’s understandable that if I am depressed that I bring
darkness into the relationship. And I admit I hate myself(as usual)
(Doormat)for this.
Hi Lou. The book is interesting, and I’ve tried some of the techniques.
Still…something’s missing in my life, and I am still searching for
answers. It’s like I am in the dark , almost like a blind man trying to
find something in a room full of things, and he’s touching this and
that, and doesn’t know for sure which object is the right one. Oh God.
That’s my situation – how did I get here? They don’t teach us in school
how to cope with life, they teach us everything but that. Isn’t this
STUPID (aaaa, here’s the Rebel).
Other thing is that I isolate myself from people, and I can’t find
friends with whom I will feal relaxed and free- am I asking much?
Change.Change.Change. I want to change.
I want to change!!! What’s wrong with me. Can’s see I way out. (Is this
my Doormat?!?)
I’ve turned 27 on the 5th of December . So..Happy Birthday to me.
Eon
About the job search: I’m very much interested in graphic design, and I
will go to several agencies to show them my art works and enthusiasm,
so keep me in your prayers and meditations on this.
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