Classroom Talk
Winter 2002 Archive
Re: Once the brick has hit your foot . . . Posted by Eddie on March 03, 2002 at 15:48:46:
In Reply to: Once the brick has hit your foot . . . posted by John on March 01, 2002 at 21:21:47:
I “Believe” there’s been a “TEST” in Coaches post here for my “Rebel”
to “Judge”!?!?!? {he-he-he}
Sorry I seem to have totally missed the mark with my “contribution” in
the conversation on anger here in my previous post? {Grinning a bit
mischievously.} Well anyway I had ‘thought’ it was a contribution. In
reading your above post I sensed my “Rebel” gorging me, attempting to
persuade me to simply reject the lot of you! I found {felt} myself
wishing to ‘play’ the “Bad Boy” to punish and straighten all you bad
little boys and girls out. At least the bad boy usually gets some
attention anyway, even though it be negative, so what, {he-he-he}. And
I’ll also note I do play the “Bad Boy” well I might add –though not
quite as intellectually ‘gamely’ as my class mate Douglas –but I can
whack quite a wallop in the emotional arena when fueled and properly
propelled by the sufficient amount of required anger. To show where
a ‘nice guys’ personality can go deviously wrong behind the angry
feeling of rejection I’ll over dramatize a bit here. Almost quicker
than time could measure I thought of such a diabolical plot. I could
meet ‘General’ Douglas in a privet bunker at AIM, possibly even
conspiring to involve Sally if we could be deceptively cunning enough
to keep our “full” motives and strategies hidden well enough so as to
enlist and manipulate her enormous energy. And if I could only bring
just the right collaborated incitement to his negative emotional side,
with his brilliance and cunning we could join forces to mount all out
war. No, much more than that complete genocide. And at the risk of
getting in trouble with Douglas, not by what I have just said of
course. He is likely laughing his ass off at this, and by the way you
do have a great sense of humor Douglas I hope you know that, even
though I suspect in its keenest moments quite beyond my knowledge to
understand. But the risk to which I refer is including you with myself
as one of the “Nice” or “Good Guys”. And while I’m on the subject for
myself personally though I cannot as aware as Coach read between the
lines of what you share, (hell I can’t even read the lines themselves
at times) it seems as though Coach has thrown some pretty heavy bricks
(test) your direction lately and I have yet to see you over react to
any of it by getting mean and abusive or rebelliously storming out the
door. To me you are, or at least extremely potentially one of the “Good
Guys”. I hope this don’t back-fire on me because your out of my league
to fight with, so the only strategy I would have would be to ignore
you, which I suck at if someone wants to play.
Some people are “totally” fueled by anger –take it away and they
become void of all “Life” energy.
For me by taking the principles in your above lesson Coach I have found
it extremely beneficial to my own peace and understanding to have
quickly applied them to my anxious feelings of rejection. And having
had been reading along there and processing them through I had
neutralized their effect in my body, and had experienced an Ok-ness in
my mind. What is kind-a astonishing to me is it seemed to happen on the
spot almost automatically without my having to hold my attention on to
any of that negative stuff very tightly at all. It was as if it had all
instantly became a pliable handful of pizza dough in the hands of an
experienced Italian Chef, as he was tossing and turning and spreading
into shape this marvelous piece of artful work. And gracefully placing
it on the pan and then in the oven to bake, so as to some time later
bring to the serving table to nourish others needs. {Note: Please do
not presume by my analogy that I in any way consider myself very
experienced in this art of “Mindfulness Training” here.}
Yet while still somewhat missing the “mark” here I wish to add, all
those “Mindfulness” boys ain’t got nothin on you Coach in my books. But
that may be a bit predigest on my part because you actually spend your
personal time and energy conversing with tinny little ‘me’ (My
sentiment with ‘tinny’ here is an honestly sincere rather than cynical
jester), although I don’t always like what you point to in me. And on
your points about processing anger I think I completely agree. Probably
because neither my study nor my ‘understanding’ has ever been very
broad I have not really caught on to the sharp discrepancy you’ve
pointed to above, but the general context I believe I get anyway. Maybe
it’s just I’m to slow or shallow to venture outside what I personally
believe to be pertinent or correct. Well that sounds pretty narrow
minded of me now doesn’t it? As I’m sure you’ve picked up on, I’ve for
some months now been devoting the bulk of my studies in the writings
of “Nicoll” and “Ouspensky” coupled with a portion of “Idries Shah”
work and my participation here with “Bilby”. Let me say it again
because it has such a nice ring to it –“Nicoll, Ouspensky, Shah, and
Bilby”, all a type of “Rebel” in their own rights I might add! I would
make effort to make personal contact with these other “Mindfulness
Warriors” but as I’m sure you know you’re the only one that’s left here
with us in the flesh. And making contact with these on any other level
is way out of my league, he-he. Thank you Coach John Bilby for being
here for us all, and continuing to take care of yourself so you can be
with us for some time to come.
One of your “newer” Friends, of which I’m certain to not be the last,
Eddie Ellig
P.S. For the record I had hoped for feedback on the last post I had
made. And I am also in hopes my “Personality” flaws have not isolated
me in receiving this from any of you here. I don’t believe I have
the ‘guts’ to place the words “Hot Seat” in context with what I’m
saying here, but I do cherish all of your communications. Even or at
times especially the ones I don’t like.
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Archived 05/02/2002