Classroom Talk
Winter 2002 Archive
Dusting off the old hotseat again. Posted by John on March 04, 2002 at 18:11:42:
Well, it looks to me like a great time to take the cover off that hotseat and dust it off for some use again. Let me explain what I mean by the "hotseat,"
Lou. The hotseat is when I and one of you students get a thread of responses going back-and-forth that lasts over a period of time, sticking with
discussing some particular thing, or some particular things, that I think would be highly useful for you students, as individuals, to focus-in on in your
lives.
Usually, I will be asking a brief series of key questions that serve to help me to home-in on this point or that. Prompt and candid responses—"Yeah" or
"Nay"—to these key questions is what keeps the hotseat process going. Without this frank and dynamic two-way collaboration, the exercise
"dwindles out," so to speak. The feedback that students give me, when sitting in the hotseat, governs the whole process from my point of view,
including an indication—however soon it may come—that the student has had enough for the time being, and would like to reflect privately and alone
on his or her experiences in the hotseat up to then.
The hotseat is for me to help you, individually, to have a chance to see what I think are the most crucial aspects of your lives that I think are getting in
your way the most, and cheating you the most of having happy relationships with others and happy hobbies and projects (or, "jobs") that would fulfill
your lives. I've gotten to know most of you pretty well, and (although I make mistakes sometimes) I have pretty strong hunches about what would be
the very best things for each one of you here to learn by being in this class.
The hotseat then is a tool, a technique, an opportunity for those of you who are in this class, to be able to look at the things that may bring the most
trouble into your lives, as I seem to see that.
Then, of course, it is up to you to see if you can see it, or not—directly, with your own eyes and ears. And unless you do, it is simply to be set aside.
And if you do see it, too, then we have homed-in on an excellent example of something that can be "worked on," in "doing transformative work."
I'd like to start with you, Sally, as you have recently volunteered to do that—as an *individual*, as you said, not linked to anyone else or anything else
in the process. I would simply like to shine a light on what I think does the most harm to you, in blocking you off from the most wonderful
achievements and accomplishments that I think you have coming to you in your life.
Are you still up for that? (The most key question of all.)
.......................................................................
Meanwhile:
>Sorry I seem to have totally missed the mark with my "contribution" in the conversation on anger here in my previous post? {grinning a bit mischievously.}
Well, that is a bit mischievous, Eddie. I didn't say that. And if I'd thought there was more harm in your post than good in it, I'd have probably
spoken up right away.
And that Rebel may rise in you at nearly any time. You may start feeling rejected and reject back. Try to feel for it in the heat of your face, and the
torque of your body, literally—physically *twisting away from* whatever is aggravating you, and making you feel rejected. (It is the perceptible
sensations of that that is the emotional feeling to be processed in a situation like this.)
Remember, it is an engrained, knee-jerk tendancy in us Rebels to go around anticipating rejection when—in real life—there is really no rejection going
on there. And, like a knee-jerk reaction, Rebels have grown up with a conditioned habit of rejecting back.
It is not at all unlikely that the same things that jostle your Believer into reaction (as we've discussed in detail already, Eddie), will also impact on your
body and bring up the Rebel in you. The Believer will become anxious for approval about it, and the Rebel will feel rejected.
I laughed and laughed at your angry and bitter fantasy about Douglas. Yes, we all have such *extravagantly unrealistic* fantasies about each other.
'Fess up, everybody around here! We all do this same kind of "get-back" fantasying from time to time in our minds. It's so *human*! Good for you,
Eddie, for recognizing your Rebel coming up, and the Judgely anger of it, too!
And I think you're *right on* in admiring that Douglas isn't over-reacting here, with all of the pressure coming into his space from me, and a random
brick in the groin on top of that. I've been admiring that, too, Douglas. If you wouldn't whack me for saying it, I do believe that you are growing
before our eyes in the mellowness of your postings around here nowadays.
All in all, another terrific job, Eddie! (Now I'd prefer—for your sake—to tell you that as *seldom* as possible. Hee-hee.)
>P.S. For the record I had hoped for feedback on the last post I had made. And I am also in hopes my "Personality" flaws have not isolated me in receiving this from any of you here. I don't believe I have the 'guts'
Jesus, Eddie! (growing slightly angry with you here). With or without any feedback from me, you ought to *know*, next to Wanda, that I am your
biggest fan! Don't have the guts? Don't make me laugh.
.......................................................................
No, Douglas, you don't have a stripe down your back either. And your personality habits are nowhere near as egregious and "skunkly" as many of
the Con Artists, Judges, and Rebels on this planet. And in Classroom Talk these days, you are down-right pleasant and easy to get along with—
except when you post one of those "Douglas's Classical Puzzle of the Day" postings. And when you do that, you are darnright "hard to be around."
And in private conversations, apparently—I'm sorry to know about it this way—you have seemingly managed to provoke a classmate in the extreme.
Even as you have been progressing—here in class—more swiftly than ever, I urge you to apply what you are learning about in here to the rest of your
life, outside of class.
Don't provoke, if you can help it! Learn to recognize and understand that certain things that you do—habitually!—may be highly provocative to other
people. You live in a real world where that is apparently going on. You have a chance to see this and catch on to this, probably for the first time in
your life.
It doesn't matter if they go too far in reacting and stinging you back. Maybe a given "low blow" is disproportionate (and maybe not—that's my
guess—when the pain inflicted on the other side is tallied up, the warring parties may come out even-up). What matters—from the point of view of
this training—is if you students can catch on to the principle ways that you get in your own ways, and habitually bring these kinds of reactions back
upon your own Selves from other people that you engage with in the world . . . . . instead of really relating, knowing who they really are, and making
the painful and difficult sacrifice of accepting them as they are . . . . . so they can be free to be with you as friends.
You are too modest, heh-heh, speaking of your Self having enlisted men's "stripes." When it comes to personality, you deserve at least one star on
your shoulder. It's *obvious*, as Eddie fantasies you as "the General." Heh-heh. And so do I. But that's still a long way from "a four-star General," a
president of Enron, for instance, a kidnapper in the East, etc., etc. in the scale of ego-driven personality— You're merely a stubborn and demanding
proselytizer for unexplained classical puzzles, even though a number of us have told you that it bugs us to take up our time here in class with that . . .
not to mention estranging us from you.
"Wordsworth mentioned 'little, nameless, unremembered, acts of kindness and of love' in a classical poem that I am very fond of, called "Tintern
Abbey."
Douglas, that would have handled the entire communication you originally had in mind. And it wouldn't have taken up but moments of our time, and
wouldn't have bugged us, either! We'd have known all about who you are about it! And we'd have loved You! We'd have been *in companionship*
with you during those moments. Why we'd even have loved *Wordsworth*! The way you did it "got in your way," and pissed some of us off at both
of you. That seems obvious and apparent to me, at least.
>What possessed me to post the entire poem, is my affection for "Tintern Abbey" and I am allowed my affections, although obviously they are not shared.
Yes! That's a *key* point! They are not shared. You are trying to force other people to share in your affections by doing it this way. — You *are*
allowed your affections! I insist upon that
! That's just fine! But when you try to force your affections on other people, they are either responded to or not. It's *the real world*. If we won't
accept that, if we persist in that attitude and continue this approach with others, it *cuts us off* from them, because it doesn't let others just *be who
they are*.
>The reaction though was entirely untoward. It would appear that I mystified many of you and that mystification led to frustration which in turn provoked anger. Anger I can live with as it is usually short lasting.
Yeah, but what about the rest of us, pal? What about us fellow human beings around you, trying to be friends? — And, that's what you think about
anger. You—like others in our class—have been an angry fellow for years now. It's only once-in-awhile that it peaks up and becomes obvious and
apparent to you and those around you.
Look, you could have gone around dropping bricks on our feet, and be saying the very same thing to the rest of us. I still say the most helpful thing
in the world in your life, Douglas, would be to learn how to stop dropping bricks on other people's feet.
That will be when your affections can find reciprocity in others—and not before then, I would wager. But before you can step aside from dropping
bricks on other people's feet, you will have to wake up to the fact that you have been going around doing that. And then you will have to
understand that that hurts us, and—in the real world—brings about reactions in us against you. And then you would have to be contrite about
hurting us, and forgiving of what we do in reaction to that.
>Hate is another matter as it is a lasting sentiment.
Both the Judge's anger (growling mouth and tight fists), and the Rebel's hatred (hot face and torso twisted away) are *long-lasting* in our lives, unless
we learn a way to acknowledge and admit that this is going on, and unless we learn a way to process negative emotional feelings like anger and
hatred, on through.
>It was only a poem.
No, it was a thing in the space with quite some impact on some of the bodies of living and loving people who surround you here. And we reacted to
that, as all ordinary humans are so prone to do. Perhaps you can begin learning at this point that the things that you do every day in your life have an
impact on other people around you—whether you consciously intend that impact or not.
>My apologies.
Yes. Accepted by me, and by others, I hope. Good move! That's a good start. It's "progress." Here in class, at least, you are doing just fine.
Coach
I'm taking tomorrow as my day-off this week, as I have several things I have to do.
Toodle-pip, Everybody.
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