Classroom Talk
Winter 2002 Archive
Re: About some typical Rebel things. Posted by Sally on March 06, 2002 at 17:34:57:
In Reply to: About some typical Rebel things. posted by John on March 05, 2002 at 18:49:10:
Hello John and classmates~
Hmmm… This is all about "me" and how I 'react' to triggers so to
speak.Let's look at “jealousy”or actually envy in my case. When I envy
someone it is because I desire what they have. Whether it is love,
money, material possessions, family, friends, a better job, etc.
Yet, “WHY” am I envious? You might say the obvious reason is that I
envy them because I don't have what they have. True. Yet, I then need
to ask myself "Why don't I have what they have? Why don't I have the
better job, better relationship, material abundance, more friends,
etc.?" I don't have those things because for some reason I have either
pushed them away, chosen not to go the extra mile to get them, or don't
think I deserve them.
And that is where the anger comes in. While it may look like I envy the
other person(s), I am really angry at MYSELF for not having what they
have!
According to therapists,,,, while this may seem like a "bad" thing, it
is actually the first step in getting what “I” want. If I were simply
envious of the others, I would be looking outwards saying things
like "They're so lucky to have that" and not seeing that all of this,
and more, is possible for myself as well. The self-anger shows that I
am aware that I too could have those things.
....“The next step to you manifesting those same blessings in your
life is to look at yourself and see why you don't have them -- because
there is no reason for you not to have them -- unless you have decided
not to have them! And that is the key. Many times we may bemoan our
fate because we don't have "whatever", but when we take the risk to
look deep within we see that, for some reason, we don't really want
those things. Now the reasons may come out of an unbalanced belief
system, but unless we look deep within ourselves, we will never find
out the truth.
Maybe you complain at not having found "Mr." or "Ms." Right, but deep
down you: 1) don't believe such a person exists, 2) believe that even
if they exist they would not want to be with you, and 3) don't believe
that it is possible for you to be in a happy and balanced relationship.
Now tell me, with those beliefs, will you ever attract and keep
the "person of your dreams"? This same reasoning to you not having the
job you want, the money you want, the friends you want, etc."...
And there again the anger at myself comes in. I am angry at myself
because (in the above situation) I can't find, attract, keep, or even
believe in Mr. Right. I am angry because I am not "doing what it takes"
to have what I want. Deep down we usually believe that if something is
going wrong in our life, it's our fault. Even if we complain and blame
everyone else around us, there's a part of us that believes that "it's
our fault". Thus, again, the self-anger.
So where do we go from here? “ After having recognized that we are
angry at ourselves, we can 1) forgive ourselves for not being perfect,
the way we think we "should" be; 2) see if we are angry for the "right"
reason or the "wrong" reason. What is the right reason? Perhaps we are
angry at ourselves because we are not doing what we "know" we could be
doing to create the life we want. We are angry at ourselves because we
do know the "way out" of our situation, but don't want to take the
trouble to do it. We are angry at ourselves for not believing we
deserve better.”....see,I am angry at myself for being a ‘doormat’ much
of the time!
So, is this being angry for the "right" reason? Actually not, since
of course, there is no right reason to be angry at ourselves, but often
we believe that the anger will motivate us to change. Yet we see, again
and again, in ourselves, in children, as well as in adults, that anger
does not motivate change. It motivates rebellion, more anger, and
shutting down our heart. Anger breeds more anger, more fear, more
resentment, more negativity, etc.”
The answer…..change my ‘beliefs’, work on my self-esteem and
forgive myself and “others” for not being “oak” trees yet! Tall order,
I am working on it.
Love~Sally ;-)
Continue with Winter 2002 Classroom Talk or
Post a new discussion in the current Classroom Talk
Archived 05/02/2002