Re: Once the brick has hit your foot . . .
Posted by Eddie on March 07, 2002 at 00:10:46:

In Reply to: Re: Once the brick has hit your foot . . . posted by Douglas on March 06, 2002 at 02:57:35:

>I grew up in a very dysfunctional family — if you could even call it a
family.

Yes I relate, as I believe you know, though I had only one grandparent
living when I had been born. The “sweetest” little Christian Lady you
could ever hope to know my fathers mother. But I had an older uncle
from my mother’s side of the family by marriage that had been the only
image of a grandfather type I had as a youth really. Uncle Bill, was
the incarnation of a living flesh and blood “Popeye”. He was in his
sixties when I was born. A retired sailor that had long left his wild
living behind some years before. And tell the day of his death “never”
placed one negative intonation into my life. But my mother and father
were quite the different story as I’m sure you’ve heard my ramblings.
Yet I will make this one comment again here…quite dysfunctional at
times I’m sure, though I’m not quite sure I have the
functional ‘experience’ in which to frame or base this claim on, (he he
he) never the less they gave me a lot of love and positive attention
around it all. I’ve been extremely fortunate.

>Unfortunately, you have given the game plan away so I suppose we will
just have to be honest,

I can try? {Grinning mischievously} I’m not very good at it though, as
I tend to catch myself lying to my self quite frequently, but this is
great progress for me for I have many years in my past been almost
totally constitutionally incapable of being honest with Eddie.

> to sever oneself from one’s internal life in the name of compromise
and compliance strikes me as personal suicide —

I have a different take on this one Douglas. I try to sever my
formatory and negative emotional self from my “Real I” (/Self) {which
is quite allusive to me as of yet} in the name of development of
essence through disidentification and sacrifice of the false self i.e.
my many small “I’s”. But I admit what may work well for one might very
well constitute personal/psychological suicide for another –for if ones
purpose and importance by necessity is in preserving ones personality
then yes it might well be that it should be ones top priority to
establish and maintain ones personality to the standing of a good
steward i.e. ‘good-house-holder’ first assuredly.

>On the other hand, cooperation rather than competition is more than a
virtue.

I’m questioning to my self, what cooperation and competition are you
referring to here? Is this a battle between two or many sides of your
self? I am not at all sure I have not lost your entire thread at this
point (if in fact I’ve ever caught it), but I am trying very hard to
understand. But if I have simply gone awry I would ask your tolerance
and feel free to regard my response as such, and simply wish me better
luck next time.

>Vice, though, I suspect, has anticipated survival value.

Yes I except this possibility, and actually have had this experience if
I truly understand your point. One of “many” ways this has been so for
me is with negative emotions having formed blocks (lies) around
psychological wounds so as to protect these sensitive and sore self
made fantasy structures in my psyche. Now don’t take this wrong there
may very well have been a fragment of true experience (reality) in the
original formation of this structure. But this tinny speck of truth
that at the time seemed a huge all encompassing Ultimate Truth
Experience has “now” lost all credence and creditability. For this
tinny fragment has long sense decade and disintegrated into “A Big Fat
Lie”.

> “The Politics of Experience” is the territory that we have entered
here.

One can certainly hope and aim at this, yes.

Eddie

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