Classroom Talk
Winter 2002 Archive
More about processing anger (following up "Ding, ding!" below). Posted by John on March 26, 2002 at 18:09:49:
This will be a bit more intellectual today, Deirdre, but bear with me, if you will.
In Gurdjieff's way of breaking down our human make-up, there are three key "centers" that he called "the feelings center, the thinking center, and the
moving center." He said there are what he called "buffers" between these centers, which, in ordinary consciousness or sleep, prevent each center
from knowing about the others. He described different problems that come about from not having these basic centers in touch with each other.
And by waking up in mindfulness, or what he called "self-remembering," he said we could be aware of each of these centers, and thereby over-ride
the buffers that keep them out of touch with each other. He said that by putting these centers in touch with each other, one could "balance all
centers." And that was a big part of "the awareness game" in his approach to things. I'm not going to get into all that, except to say that I have heard
this idea cited by teachers as a reason that it is good to vocalize anger while processing the emotional feeling of anger.
"I am angry" is the thinking mind's part in the equation. Hitting, for example (or "punishing") could be the part the moving center plays. So . . . . by
being mindful, and vocalizing the thinking part, the cognitive part of the equation, "I am angry," while doing your processing, that would dissolve the
buffer there, so to speak, and put the feelings center and the thinking center into touch with each other. By adding in "the dance of it" to the exercise,
as I explained before, that would take away another buffer, and the three basic centers would "know each other" in your mindful experiencing of it,
without these buffers standing between them, and the centers can be balanced.
That's a conceptual explanation, or theory, but perhaps you can empathize with how that could be given as a justification in certain approaches for
vocalizing and doing the more dramatic exercises, *along with* experiencing the bodily sensations of the emotional feeling that one is working on. You
become fully aware of how these three "centers" are inter-acting within you—what your emotions are doing, what your thinking is doing, and how
your body is moving in conjunction with that.
In the awareness game, you can "work on several fronts," so to speak, in dealing with an emotional trauma (such as being angry) that has come up.
What is happening is that your body reacts first by clutching up with feelable tensions of anger. One thinks at once about angry thoughts (such as
judgments). One's ego wants to correct what one is angry about right away, and make it "right." And one acts-out angry behaviors automatically
(like cussing, being sarcastic, criticizing, or punishing). So, in these four areas, one reacts to the situation that is at hand.
If one is being awake, one can address each of these four automatic reactions separately. You can process the tensions of the anger, and let some of
that uptightness off. You can process the nature of what you are thinking (and see it for what it is—"Aha, this is only angry thinking!"). You can
process the impetus of the ego's wanting to jump forward on the matter like a knee-jerk reaction—"Maybe there's another way to approach this."
And you can process the incipient behaviors that you are about to act-out, and "step-aside" from doing that, "transcend it," as they say.
With every awareness of each of these four types of human reaction, your body relaxes a little bit more, and your mind is a little more composed.
Even if you only let off some of the tensions of the emotion of it by processing, the mind will be that much more composed. Even if you only start
getting a handle on what you are thinking about it, you may start relaxing a bit. Even if you only get a glimpse of what conditioned "scenario" your
ego is operating out of, that can bring a little taming of that impetus to react automatically. And even if you only catch on that your ego-driven
personality is about to burst onto the scene, that can allow you to pause for some moments.
And in that pause, you can have another go at feeling the emotion of it and letting it pass through, another go at getting clear about what your
thinking mind is doing, another go at defusing the ego, and another go at keeping your body still and not acting-out personality.
Of course, the more you know scholastically and understand (from experiential practice) of what your emotions are and how they work, what your
thinking is and how it works, what your ego is and how it works, and what your personality is and how it does what personality does . . . . . that is,
the more familiar you are with these ordinary human internal functions and how they operate together, the easier and easier it will become for you to
disengage yourself from the clutches of these automatic reactions, after the brick has hit your foot.
Processing the feelings is "the first move" because you get the most calming and settling down from doing that. Processing feelings is usually the most
efficient way to deal with your reactions. But these other moves are calming and settling, too. After you have learned how to intervene with your
automatic process in these four ways, you can "enter the game" at any of these four places, and get some good out of it. Sometimes, by just seeing
what you are thinking at the time, you will be able to have the presence of mind to pause, and abstain from acting-out. Sometimes, when you see what
your ego is up to, that can be enough to interrupt the roller-coaster ride to cussing, or hitting, or whatever. Sometimes, when you realize what the
behavior is—"Here goes my Judge again!!!"—you can pause and step aside from doing it. But until you have cleaned out the collection of emotional
tensions in your body that got this whole ride started, as long as you still have more of those tensions of, say, anger left in your body, you are going
to be cycling back into reacting in these ways again before long. The underlying emotional feelings are the force, the energy that drives this human
dance of chain reactions. Neutralize the emotional feelings, and the chain of reactions is nipped in the bud.
So, as time is passing, keep going back into your body with your awareness and checking it out, recognizing those angry tensions and processing them
. . . . . as long as they are still around. Keep being aware of these tensions of anger at intervals. You can do this a little bit at a time. Every time you
feel the anger awarely like that, a little more of it will be purged away. And each time, while you're at it, you can get a new look at the thinking you're
doing, the desire you have about what to do about it, and the tendancy of your personality to act-out about it and sting.
If you're with other people, you can do this inwardly. If you're by yourself, you can say "I'm angry" and sound angry, and growl, if you'd like. If
you're in the privacy of your room, and it's not going to upset or affect other people, you can even pound on a pillow, if you're comfortable to try that
out—being fully aware of the experience if you do so. You are just purging the anger on through. But wherever you are, at any time of day, you can
always invest a minute or two in being fully aware of the tensions of anger that are in you. You can do this as often as you remember to. I'm speaking
here of the bare acknowledgement, the bare noting of your emotion.
Processing feelings can sometimes be accomplished in one sitting, or on the spot, as I've described the methods before. But remember this, too! This is
important to understand! Processing feelings can also be a *cumulative* endeavor. Every time you do it, that lets off a little more of the tensions of it.
With every bit of anger that you process through, your mind will be that much more composed. Even if you don't see the results every time you do it,
every bit of processing "counts."
And when you have processed every bit of it on through, you will see that you aren't being angry about the situation any more. The result will be
obvious and apparent. You will look and you won't find those tensions in there. The situation will still be exactly the same—the "solution of the
problem" will still remain to appear—but you won't be clutched up with anger about it while you are working on uncovering that solution. When you
are being composed in this way, the answers (that is, the alternatives to acting-out ego-driven personality) will come to you much easier and quicker.
Another thing about processing as a *cumulative* process. In the beginning of learning processing, a student will probably be carrying an assortment
of accumulated emotional tensions around with them on the musculature of their body. This will be the bag of negative emotions that they have been
collecting, unconsciously. The more that a student tunes-in, and processes the tensions in their body, the freer and freer one's body will become of
this "backlog" of tensions.
If one is doing some of this work every day, eventually they will get to a place where they are "caught up." They will have let all the backlog of
tensions that they routinely used to be carrying around with them go. They will reach a "level of equanimity."
Of course, new things, bodies, and words are going to enter your space after that and *impact you*. And new emotional tensions are going to emerge
and collect. But once you have worked your way through to a level of equanimity (i.e. no more backlog of tensions), after that, you won't have so
much work to do when you become emotional again. You will no longer have to be working on all the tensions of anger, for instance, that you have
collected during weeks, months, and indeed years of your life. You will only have to deal with the amount of anger that has *just been generated
today* by the latest impact that has just come up.
Depending on the amount of practice time and awareness that one invests in this enterprise every day, even though one has been "storing up"
emotional tensions for years, it may be only a matter of months of disciplined work, perhaps, before one has reached this level of equanimity . . .
where one's body remains, most of the time (absent some new provocation), in a state of relaxation, and one's mind remains regularly composed.
After reaching that stage, it is simply a matter of doing "routine house-cleaning," so to speak, with the new emotional reactions that keep coming up, to
be able to live the rest of the time at a level of peace and composure that a student never knew before, during the years before undertaking this kind
of work. Every time a new block of tensions arises, wake up and work on it. Keep keeping your house clean that way. For those who learn how to
do this processing, and keep at it regularly and methodically, they reach a point where it's just a matter of "daily maintainance" after that. One doesn't
get as emotional as one used to get *with the same kinds of situations*! And—except for unusually severe impacts that come along—one can usually
get through it in a breeze.
So . . . if you find that you are "going around being angry" on a given day (or afraid, lonely, jealous, ashamed, anxious, melancholy, or guilty), one
good way to deal with it (if you don't have the time to work the whole of it on through right on the spot) is to keep coming back to it during the day,
maybe several times an hour or more if you can remind yourself to, and spend a few minutes of processing with it each time, feeling the sensations of it
through and through. Work on it cumulatively. Every time you do this, it helps a little more. By sticking with this faithfully until the work is done,
you will find at one point that the emotion isn't in there any more. And regardless of whatever the surrounding situation is that you have to deal with
on the outside, your inner body will be relaxed again, and your mind will be composed.
I know I've taken a lot of words to describe all this, but I wish to try to make every detail of it clear. And, with practice, each of you students who
attempt to learn how to do this, will find that you are getting quite "good at it."
More questions, anybody? — I realize that processing feelings is one of the most subtle things to be caught-on-to in this whole course. And I'm
willing to keep on working on this with any of you, until it is absolutely clear all around.
One more item, Deirdre, about the "justification" for vocalizing "I'm angry." I've heard some teachers say that when anger comes up in a person, it is *
there* whether they know it or do anything about at all. The vibe of it is *there* in the form of tensions on the body and the mind, so long as it hasn't
been neutralized. And the effects of it are also going on in the space for others in the vibes that they pick up of it, whether it is expressed vocally or
not (as well as from the effects they may feel if they are being unconsciously punished).
For instance, just spending time hanging around with a person who is being very angry has a perceptible reality for others. The others may not be
awake enough to focus on it, but certain expressions on the angry person's face, certain tones in their voice will have an impact on them. They will *
know* that disharmony is present. And whether awarely or not, they will experience anxst about being around the angry person that way. Do you
see what I mean?
It can be demonstrated that *translating* these inner tensions that are already there into a vocalization that is there—a communication of "I am being
angry about such-and-such" to the other person can "clear the air," so to speak. It is said that the translation from the inner vibe that is emanating
outward to the outer vocal expression, doesn't add *any more* violence to the scene than is there already, but only transmutes that anger that is
already there from a nebulous form that isn't "workable" into a tangible form that is more easily "workable" by other people, from their own side of the
matter.
For example, let's say that a person is going around "bristling and seething," so to speak, but declares no acknowledgement of it. The other person
doesn't know what to make of that, or what to do. When they hear the other person saying, "I am being angry about such-and-such," it is clarifying,
it makes it easier for them to deal with it (even if they don't agree). The reality of it is better understood. Options about what to do about it come to
their mind. And they may be somewhat relieved to know that the "unruly" angry person at least *knows what is going on*! Hearing "I am angry"
may be a better option for the other person than unexplained, unruly "bristling," so to speak. Does that make sense?
Of course, heh-heh, if the person says "I'm being angry about such-and-such, you stupid son of a bitch!" that is "going too far," as we say in the
awareness game. That is acting out the Judge, and stinging the way Judges typically sting. The idea here is to express a pure, honest communication
of the natural emotional feeling that is there, without going on into act-out personality.
And I like to keep reminding you all of this—if you tell someone "I am angry"—especially when the other person is a child (but this is a good idea with
others that you are engaged with, too). When you realize (by checking in with your body) that you aren't being angry about it any more, try your
best to remember to communicate that, too. — Indeed, if you were seething yesterday, and didn't communicate anything about it then, when you
realize you have grown on through that trauma by the next day (or the next week, if it happens that way), it's still not too late to tell the other person,
"I'm not being angry any more," and achieve the same worthwhile results.
Well, I think this is enough for this afternoon. Questions, by all means, if any of you have them!
Coach
Next: Student John's experiences with Vipassana shed light on several more interesting points.
Continue with Winter 2002 Classroom Talk or
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Archived 05/02/2002