Classroom Talk
Winter 2002 Archive
Nine moves Posted by Student John on April 02, 2002 at 07:46:07:
I entered class after Coach responded to my interest in the “nine
moves.” I’ve tried to distil the nine moves perhaps distorting them
into the following series of four paired questions and one challenge.
Here they are: 1a What am I feeling? 1b. What is he/she feeling? 2a.
What am I thinking? 2b. What is he/she thinking? 3a. What am I
wanting? 3b. What is he/she wanting? 4a. What am I doing or about to
do? 4b. What is he/she doing? 5. Can I authentically communicate any
of this with him/her?
Douglas, I began using this abbreviate format last night when I was
reading your “Ways and Means” posting and I could notice perceptible
differences in the way I felt as I worked my way through the process.
I was pondering the challenge of attempting an “authentic
communication” when my grandson asked me to play a game of darts.
He had been playing darts with a younger neighbor friend and in
keeping score earlier that day had asked for my help in adding some of
the scores. My approach with his is to “teach” rather than just give
him the answer. That part of our exchange seemed to go okay and he
kept score with his friend. When he asked me to play, he asked if I
would keep score. I agreed and then promptly reverted to my “old
habit” of making this a learning lesson for him. He resisted. When I
insisted that he add the score and stand there while I helped him, he
ended the game by leaving and put the reason for its termination on
me. I couldn’t see what I had done so I tried to talk with him,
really blaming him for the difficulty we were having. An hour passed
and he wanted me to join in a vertical hug (with tickling) that he,
grandma and I often have in bed. The riff had mended and he wanted to
go on.
As I lay in bed this morning I began to use the abbreviated version to
see if I could sort this out. 1a.I’m feeling that I will ”help” him
and latterly I demand that he be helped! (Kind Helper/Dictator?) 1b.
He was feeling disappointed that a promise had been broken, that he
was being manipulated and frustrated that what was to be a game was
being turned into a lesson. (I had dropped the first brick). 2a I’m
thinking I can use this game to “help,” TEACH him math. 2b. He’s
thinking, “This is not what ompa agreed to do.” 3a I want him to
learn, be bright, and make me proud. 3b. He initially wants to play
and after I dropped the first brick he wants to get the hell out of
there. 4a. I don’t see what’s happening and keep pressing on, calling
into “play” ever more my dictatorial style. 4b. He exits by making
it my fault. (The rebel brick) which of course I can’t see but
definitely FEEL. 5. No “authentic communication” occurred in this
exchange.
I’m going to try to pick a time this morning to see if I can
own up with him what I did without blaming him for his brick on me.
My attempt at an “authentic communication” will go some thing like
this. “I figured out what I did last night when we were playing
darts. You asked me to keep score. I agreed and yet when we played I
insisted that you add up the score. Sorry, I didn’t keep my word.”
Any thoughts? Suggestions? This is really hard. Particularly
when I want to be perfect in every way. Milliseconds count in this
game. See ya. Bye. Student John
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Archived 05/02/2002