Classroom Talk
Spring - Summer 2002 Archive
Eating crow for breakfast. Posted by John on May 03, 2002 at 11:39:50:
In Reply to: Nine moves posted by Student John on May 02, 2002 at 20:46:58:
I guess I was too tough with Douglas, huh? It catches me by surprise. Your question is fair and appropriate, John, and expressed in a very masterful
way. I appreciate that. And I appreciate your sticking up for your classmate when I had treated him wrong. I hope he finds some solace in that
support from you. (Usually it has been Sally who has stood by him when I've gone too far along these lines in the past.)
Even though it took me awhile to fully "get it," I knew right away, after hearing your question, that I was feeling bad about the way I'd treated him
(as you described the experience of your own contrition the other week), and I realized that I owed Douglas, you, and the whole class an apology.
It illustrates that the phenomenon of contrition is easy enough to see when it's there, if we will just admit it. I was twisting in the wind. I wanted *so
much* to deny it, wanted so much to come up with excuses, but there was just no getting around it. I *knew* I felt ashamed of what I had done. I
tried to come up with justifications in my thinking (as any of us might be prone to do in such times). I tried to play it down in my mind. But it was no
use. I knew that contrition was there, and *there was just no getting around it*! I was going to tell you at one point in my thinking: "Well, I guess you
felt my post to Douglas was more like 'enforcement and punishment' than 'candid straight talk that truly needed to be expressed,'" But I couldn't
bring myself to make light of it. No excuses. I blew it, Folks! What else can I say?
Geeze, Douglas, I *do* apologize to you. I had no right to whack you that way. I feel awful about it. I'm sorry that I hurt you, and I know saying
that doesn't take away the pain. I wish you'd speak up and save my ass in this embarrassing situation by posting something like "Thanks, Coach, I
needed that." But I know I don't deserve to be let off the hook like that, and I certainly don't expect it.
There are so many embarrassing ramifications that come to mind in a situation like this. The other day I called on you, John, to have the courage not
to be discouraged by the outcome at school after you'd made those magnanimous gestures with the scooter. The two situations are remarkably
similar! Yesterday, I didn't have that courage myself. I was angry and disappointed (first move, that I neglected to wake up on). I was selfish. I put
my own selfish desires for how I've wanted this class to be ahead of the peace and harmony of you living, breathing people who *are* the class. And
I'm ashamed of myself.
I wouldn't blame you all if the class took a vote on it, and expelled *me* from the class for this. Can any of you think of a punishment that would be
appropriate? Here's "the paddle," Sir Douglas. It's your move.
(Coach)
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Archived 08/26/2002