Classroom Talk
Spring - Summer 2002 Archive
Can this givingness be contagious, and proliferate? Posted by John on May 13, 2002 at 14:36:45:
I've cried some every day since learning the sad news of your Mother's terminal illness, Douglas. I've lost dear ones to cancer, too, and I know the
feeling. What can I say . . . . . what can I express here that won't sound like platitudes to you?
I know that crying is good for me—*healing* . . . and yet, awarely acknowledging one's pain in that way is not in denial of the true sadness of events.
Whenever I get in touch with the reality that I am being sad, I let my body cry as much as it will. I encourage the sobbing deliberately, feeling it vividly
as it's vibrating on through. I let it all out. I empty the cup, until finally I heave a great sigh.
Crying is "a completion" of the reality of lost love, or impending lost love. Crying makes it "whole." — But, as you explained, mindfulness is not
appealing to you because it brings you into touch with the pains that you experience in your life. Sadness is one of the pains that all of us have
experienced. That is life. But the awakened experiencing of physical pains that go along with your own state of medical health is a price that seems
non-sensical to you, if that's the price you would have to pay to become an awakened seer.
This tragedy seems to have brought out the greatness in you, Douglas. Never have I seen you like this before during your years in this class. Your
last posting was a symphony of givingness. To one after another of us around our circle, you are giving us gifts. And your gifts are great.
One of the greatest understandings that can come from engaging in spiritual work, or mindfulness work is the realization that what is out there in the
world around us is more important than our own Selves. And here, you seem to have caught on to that beautifully.
Maybe such a burst of givingness on your part can start a chain reaction. Oh, you will say this is where the platitudes begin! But bear with me. For it
is your own demonstration of givingness that inspires my ideas about this now.
One of the fantasies I've had about this website was that—if we could ever graduate a "founding class," so to speak, of students who have caught on
to the basic understandings that are being offered in all these classes, this school could be turned into a non-profit corporation on the Internet that
could be administrated by the students who participate in it.
I think you all understand that I'm not very attached to that fantasy. It's just an idea that I've had fun playing with over the years, as we've patiently
persevered with our studies together here. I don't need that fantasy to happen to feel fulfilled. I feel fulfilled already. I've had more than my share!
It seems I've already had much more of fun, happiness, love, and satisfactions than anyone has a right to expect in this life. And getting the
opportunity to do this class with all of you has been "the icing on the cake" for me. But the idea of incorporating TTMT has some good aspects to it,
and I see no harm in this fantasy, because it is possible. And some good might come of it.
One of the basic reasons that non-profit incorporating could be a good thing, is that it would provide a legal means of raising funds by contributions
for expanded operations. And having some capital funds to play with would enable us to exercise some "institutional givingness," if you will . . . both
inwardly among us, as well as around us in the world.
I won't get into my ideas for outward givingness now—we could, for instance, produce and publish "white papers" that suggest ideas for the leaders
of warring people around the world to get through the stuckness that they are in, in perpetually fighting back and forth wth each other. Instead of
merely calling out for peace, we could show people some methodologies for actually *doing something about it* that can work . . . an actual technology
of peace and harmony that *can work* for states and governments, as well as for the individuals among us.
But let me focus on inward givingness among us now, if I may. First of all, obviously, if we were able to raise funds as a non-profit corporation, we
could have a means to improve our own development as a team—we could provide the means for all of us to get together somewhere (Sydney would
be nice, New Delhi? Tucson? wherever we'd like), get to know each other, have workshops together in person, enabling all of you to see that you
can quickly learn to do all and everything that I can do as a mindfulness coach (which is what this course is about, ultimately—creating the possibility
that all of you could become mindfulness teachers in your own ways, in your turn, if you wish to.). How I dearly wish we had the money so that our
business office could write out checks to subsidize airline tickets and accomodations enabling all of us to get together, say, once year, in some beautiful
place on the face of this Earth.
Likely to happen? Probably not. Definitely not, I suppose! . . . . . Possible? Yes. A group of people who had *understood* that it is possible to do
the impossible, could feasibly bring about almost any such thing in a Universe of infinite possibilities.
I'm poor. And that's okay with me. Between my salary as a part-time ranch-hand (which I love to do, like going camping, one of my favorite hobbies,
and getting paid for it) and Social Security, I get all the money I'll ever need. So this fantasy is not about making money for me. But it would be, to a
certain extent, about making money for you. Any of you who wished to (and there is certainly abundant talent, in essential strengths and qualities,
and even in experience around among us for this), any of you could hold the paid positions that a non-profit corporation ordinarily has, and needs to
have in order to function. And because this is on the Internet, you could do so, if any of you were interested, from your own computers at home
around the world where you live.
Now please don't get upset, Folks, if you have no interest in participating in such a project at all, that's *perfectly* okay with me! I assure you from the
bottom of my heart that having an interest in that fantasy project is NOT required for your ongoing participation in our class in everything else that
we are doing here. I promise you that. I *know* this idea is an impossible one. I *know* it is not "in the cards." And there will be plenty of other
impossible ideas for me and for each one of you to have a chance to tackle in the years to come. There's no shortage of that kind of opportunity in life
for any of us, I'm happy to say. My interest in this, as a coach, would be in showing you how to make the personal impossible dreams of your own
become realities, teaching you the mindful actions by which these kinds of aims can become realities in your own lives. In a sense, Classroom Talk is
intended finally to be a demonstration of that.
And in that spirit, I'd like to make a very small demonstration of such mindful action right here now. I'd like to make an actual gesture in the direction
of the real-world realization of Teaching Tools for Mindfulness Training, Incorporated . . . inspired by the givingness in your last posting, Douglas.
There is a kind of computer keyboard that has been invented for use by one hand only. Surely, as you have learned to draw with your left hand,
Douglas (I'm so proud of your courage and determination in doing that!), you would be able to learn to use this keyboard. And it ought to make
writing (particularly,writing long documents) a whole lot quicker and easier for you. My son tried out one of these keyboards at a trade fair once,
and told me they are just great. He said, in fact, that he thought a person might be able to type even faster one-handed that way, once they had
mastered the ingenious system that it employs.
What I'd like for you to do, if you would please, is get one of these one-handed keyboards to try it out. Order it in the name of TTMT, Inc. and send
the bill (or the receipt) to me right away, and I will pay it promptly.
I can afford to front the money for this. Don't worry about that! In fact, I'm delighted to do this, if you will permit me—for the fun of making the
creative gesture of it in behalf of my "impossible dreams." And I'll put the receipt in a file that I'll create for "office expenses" that will ultimately be
covered by donations to our school, if and when that impossible dream becomes a reality at the end of this year. It will be our first disbursement for
expenses in a fresh new life that is potentially coming for TTMT, our first acquisition of new equipment. It is a small step in making that a reality.
If you are willing to go along with this "exercise," and you would like to give something in return to the school, well . . . . . how about designing a new
logo for Teaching Tools for Mindfulness Training, Inc. Not something you've done before, mind you (if you are agreed), but come up with something
fresh and new for this that you have never conceived of before.
Go ahead and get that piece of equipment right away, if you will. Mail me the bill. (Incidentally, I didn't realize until reading your post over the
weekend that you had designed that magnificent card that you had mailed to me for the holidays!) If you're interested, you've got the job! There
doesn't have to be any hurry! Have our new logo designed and furnished to us by the first of next December, if you will. You once said to the class
that you told Sally you would never do anything to destroy my dreams, Douglas. Are you willing to make these gestures to further them?
And, in the meantime, of course you are excused from attending or posting in these classes, under the circumstances. I understand completely if you
are preoccupied with concerns for your Mother. You are excused from having to engage in any more training dialogues with me, or—of course!—
from writing that play I was talking about. I only brought it up on the chance that it might light a creative fire in you and you would do it because it
was fun and exciting for you to.
In fact, I hope everybody in our class understands completely that no one is expected to write *anything* to be in this class, or do anything, either. I
wish for you all to be free! I bring such ideas up on the chance that they might appeal to the inner essential nature of some of you. But it is still the
rule around here that I ask only of you students that you do the exercises that you spontaneously like and love to do. — I must say . . . you did
sound quite excited about that idea briefly, Douglas. There was a bemused enthusiasm about you then that was quite charming to see and hear. If
you'd been mindful of that experience when it was happening you'd have seen that there is another side to life that mindfulness reveals—another side
to life than suffering. My efforts are directed towards attempting to get that other side of life—the side with joy in it—more actively into play in the
lives of every one of you.
After this weekend's posts, I realize that you've got all the right stuff in you, Douglas—all that is necessary to enjoy a life of satisfactions as well as
pains. Alas, that's all that any of us can aspire to in these tough lives that all of us have been given—to learn, if we can, to get through it all and go on
loving anyway.
Loving both of you, as "family" to me, I pray for your Mother's recovery. And if that is not to be real, I pray that she finds some small measure of the
things that she likes and she loves while she is still here. As these days pass, perhaps you might be able to discover from her what that might be. And
cloaked in the masterful givingness that you have now shown your classmates here, perhaps you may find little ways—even in facing the inevitable—
to make a difference in her life, and in your own.
Coach
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