Facing life, and taking it as far as it goes.
Posted by John on May 17, 2002 at 19:57:21:

We are here in this class to learn to recognize the real things that are the most obvious and apparent about life, and to deal with these things, with
heart, as skillfully as we can. We are here to learn to start paying attention to what's obvious, blatant, what stands out the most in high relief in any
given present time. Our focus is in learning a style of life that relates with the present realities as much as possible, and as skillfully as we can.

This would be a school in name only, unless we are doing that.

When Douglas posts a long, and very interestingly written piece (largely intellectual, however), and calls it, "The Eastern Way of Death," ("Death is the
most important question of our time . . . in good part because we refuse to face it." ) . . . and begins quoting the last words of various Japanese masters
. . .. There is something obvious about that. It stands out, and calls for notice. When he starts giving away his things . . . well, that seems obvious,
too . . . and a pattern seems to be emerging.

For better or worse, I am a proponent of getting over refusing to face life, through thick and thin, as far as it goes. Save facing death for its time
when it comes, I say. I don't know much to coach about that, not from my own experience so far, anyway. Yet, wherever it goes, one day at a time,
whatever it puts us through, face life, take life as far as it goes. That's what I know how to coach about . . . and the surprises that may come along by
this.

Thank-you, Douglas, for your permission to quote your own email this week, too. That helps me to fill in the phenomenological detail of the picture
I'm painting here. I'm grateful.

>In other words, I am facing homelessness, starvation, and suicide is a consideration in the face of intolerable suffering. . . . I may have a number of books on my shelves which may be of interest to you.

First of all, I admire the way you've conveyed your sense of your reality to me here . . . without, in the over-all e-mail, putting a trip on me about it, so
to speak. You are gentle, and kind. You are the new Douglas in this e-mail, and you are treating my feelings with great sensitivity. As you said in
class, you weren't wanting to put a trip on anybody about this. I feel you've done a really good job of that.

But, in a community—to the extent this class is that—people pretty much know what's going on, and, spontaneously, people care. That is, they either
care or they don't care. From what I've seen around here, people care. (Usually, people do care, unless we provocatively prevent that.) In fact, as a
general comment, it isn't necessary for any of us to put a trip on other people anywhere when we are suffering. That would be superfluous. Because
people care. If we keep our eyes open, we can see that. It's easy to see around here. — One of the good skills worth cultivating in life, in my book, is
learning to find people who care. Pauline spoke up recently about her interest in finding a support group. It turns out that is a basic natural human
function, to seek out and find groups of people who care, for the natural healingness of that. Or, that's what I seem to see.

We've got a lot of that going on here. Back on May 7, Student John was responding to Douglas ("Re: insomniac thoughts — addendum") and gave a
good example of what I call "The Language of Being." If you go back and look at that, you'll see John is just being upfront, in a quiet way, talking
about his motive to gain acceptance and approval. And he was sharing his empathy with Douglas about problems of health, and his caring. That was
all in the Language of Being. Simple, straight-forward, honest experience-sharing, full of contrition, too, without putting anything on anyone.

John said:

>I wrestled with whether to post this to you privately, Douglas, or in class and have chosen to post it to the class even though I can't seem to shake the sense that posting it would be to gain further acceptance and approval of Coach.

Hee-hee. Oh how much we all can empathize with you in this. You have portrayed a beautiful example for us of "the internal struggle." But do you
see? The mere fact that you "catch your Self" here, and can look at your behavior from an objective viewpoint away from it, *shows* the mastery you
are acquiring. I'm so glad you did post that piece for the rest of us!

And you *have* my approval, right now. Heh-heh. That's okay. The harm is not in my approval. And the harm is not in seeking my approval, either,
really. A certain amount of sincere approval is sure okay! If I can encourage you students, I'm glad to.

But if there were harm in it for you, it would be in doing it without realizing you were doing it . . . doing it without being interested in knowing what
your own motives are, being indifferent to the part that you play in your own life, doing it blindly with the *mistaken* attitude that my approval is
somehow more important than the doing of warrior gestures in their own right that you are capable of on your own, without me. When you were a
boy you did it for approval. Start doing it now, if you can, for fun!

I've appreciated the way you've reached out in friendship with Douglas, as much as I've appreciated the good sense of your choices in learning how to
learn in this class, and attempting to practice what you learn. You seem to be on the right track to me.

And I've appreciated your reaching back in friendship with John, Douglas. It's obvious that you've each been an inspiration of insights to each other
already. And—in a context of Kindergarten—good to see you Kiddees mixing better with the other children on the Playground. In doing these
classes, I trust that whatever we can learn and practice around here in class can be applied to the rest of the world, as well.

I was glad to see you had such a warm appreciation of Rakesh's beautiful posting, Douglas. I have to admit I was glad that the rest of us got to
share in reading that, too, Rakesh. But, uh, Douglas . . . oops, you were being a little insensitive with your Brother there, old pal. Rakesh, who puts
heart-felt efforts into gestures of purety in living, was concerned about particiipating in copyright infringement there, and you kind of dragged him
into the crime, involuntarily. Heh-heh. You were being "a bad influence," old chap . . . without realizing it. I think you owe your Brother an apology
for overriding his sensitive feelings like that, ignoring his honest sensibilities.

And by the way, this over-looked bit of insensivity to others, is not at all characteristic of the new Douglas we've been seeing around here lately. Not
at all. To say that you are being "a new Man" these days, wouldn't be unfair, I think. But . . . you know me . . . no more Mr. Nice Guy!

In my view of it, it isn't the question of the right or wrong of it that matters so much, anyway, but the prevalance among us all of so much insensitivity
to one another's feelings.

I don't know what the right legal answer is to this question. I guess I've been insensitive myself. I've always allowed everyone here to post other
writers' teachings (usually excerpted from Internet sites) pretty freely. I've asked that you give "full attribution," as they say, by including the author's
name and pertinent biographical and publishing data. And I've asked you to remember to include the URLs of the sites involved so that our students
and browsers here can go and see the whole of what they have of it there, if they wish to. And I know some of you have found sites that you've
raved about this way, and perhaps may prefer even more in some ways, indeed, than this one. Since the first purpose of most websites is to have
interested people connect with them, and come browse in them, I haven't supposed the authors of other sites have felt cheated by the interactions of
our classmembers here with their websites.

I suppose it's possible that we are infringing on copyrights when this happens, and I'm sorry if anybody out there in Webland feels bad about it. No
one has let us know to that effect. No one has requested we stop. And I imagine we are sending more interested browsers their way than they are
sending in our direction. I'll even bet we've sold some of their books this way. I hope so. We are, after all, a school—for whatever that may mean in
the legal ramifications of things. And a school would be an awfully narrow place if it didn't encourage the exposure of many diverse writings and
thoughts on the subject the school is teaching about. I've always encouraged that around here. And we've sure had many wonderful findings of the
greatest teachings around the Internet. Classroom Talk has been a veritable "Library of Alexandria" over the years. And I don't know so far that any
harm is being done by giving broader exposure to masterful writers for their insights and realizations in this field.

Maybe these are all rationalizations. I think they would forgive us for this. So I guess that means I think there's something to forgive. I'll have to sit
with this like a brick in my lap. Any thoughts on this by any of you students? I *do* feel sensitive to your sensibilities about this, Rakesh.

Well, it's getting towards sundown. I frittered much of the day away . . . being lazy. I'm "too good" at that sometimes, coming from the Hard
Worker/Doormat habits that I've grown up with.

So this is what I had to say to Douglas last Tuesday, in an e-mail called "Not speechless yet."

You have often left me speechless, my friend, but today is not one of those times. I've been walking around thinking all day of things I might be
saying to you.

Right now, you are more important to me than the school, itself. And the class is important to me, too. I guess we are fellow sufferers, you and I,
similarly so. I know more of the sufferings first hand that you have described than you think I do. I'll spare the details for now, but you can trust me
on that one.

Life has a way of finally closing in on us in the end, I guess. I've been to that very place many times . . . and it wasn't the end. But that's because I
was willing to take it as far as it goes.

You and the life you've seen passing around you have conspired to create a situation now in which it would be possible for you to step forth and
become a great warrior, in the classical traditions of ancient American Indian culture, [note that I hadn't yet seen Sally's piece on that Lakota Chief's
prayer, which was being posted in class right about the very same time as I was talking with Douglas in the Coach's Office here] as well as the
traditions that you have found to admire. Ironic, isn't it? And I know you are a fan of irony. You are in a position to be a heroic warrior, simply by
choosing to live all the way through it, through homelessness, starvation, if it comes to that, and whatever life brings. Defy it! That's what don Coyotl
taught me. And if you do—at least this has been my own experience—what you find is that it isn't the end, after all. You remember Nietzche's
remark, "That which does not kill me makes me stronger." And being stronger, there is the next new life that comes along.

As I see it, you have some things to live for. But I guess you aren't seeing it much that way these days. For one thing, I see that you are on a roll in
class right now. Ironically, you, who once wished for the class to be a community, have seemingly inspired the class to be much more of a community
than it has ever been before.

Have you ever before been being loved by as many people as you are being loved by now, Douglas? In a short time, by changing your own way of
relating with them, by not provoking, and by being a real person, and a giving person, you have softened up for them, and made a space for their
love and caring for you to be expressed. And I do hope it is getting in. That isn't happening in a vacuum. You paved the way for that change. And
we were ready to jump on loving you, once you gave us half a chance.

I have a hunch that you were cut out to be a hero. But what do I know? Egoless givingness is great. And when you see the responses you've just
gotten from classmates that have been posted to you day after day, you ought to be able to know that one doesns't have to wait around a long time
before visible results start showing up from playing the awareness game. It works.

But when the givingness is your coin collection and your prized book collection and things of that kind . . . . . well, you know. They say that's a
warning a person may intend to do themself in, when they start giving things like that away. On that basis—even if it pisses you off—I have to say I
wish you were seeing some shrink that you like and admire there in Canada right now. I can't do for you what that person could do.

For just one thing, they could help you to determine what adjustments the Canadian social system could make so that you don't have to be out on the
street or going hungry. In the U.S., therapists consider themselves go-betweens and emissaries with the social system, and provide all kinds of help
with that. I suppose it's like that there.

All I can offer from here is the perspective of a friend, who cares, and has been there a few times over the course of my life. I decided to go on each
of those times. And later I was glad that I did.

I suppose it is easier to underestimate the potential of life than it is to underestimate the difficulties of life. But life surprised me, every time that I went
on. And then when this came up again and I lived through it again, life surprised me again. I guess that made it easier for me to keep going on. I
don't know. But surprises keep coming for me.

I've heard rumors before—recently even—that the ranch where I work was going to close down. I could be in exactly the same position you are in
overnight, if that happened. Even in a moment of being upset to be thinking about that—what with shaky health and getting older and all—I realized
I wondered what the next interesting job would be that would come along. I had a sense of faith that something neat would turn up, because—over a
period of many years—something neat *always has* come along.

I've been in hospitals many times over the years when I've also been out of work, I've been on welfare, and I've been homeless. I've lived through it,
and something better has always come along. Call me a crazy optimist, if you will, but I've always wound up being willing to live right on through
whatever life has served up to me because something better has always come along.

Well, I suppose this is the kind of stuff that won't be of much help to you. I can honestly say that I'll miss you, if you give up the ghost. I guess I can
predict I'd be mad at you, too, for dying on me. It's not that I don't think you have the right. It's just that I think you have good things to live for
ahead of you. It would seem like such a waste of the good things in you that I know you still have to give to the world, and a waste of the caring and
love you've got coming to you, if you go on letting that happen.

.......................................................................

See y'all next week, with love,

Coach

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