Classroom Talk
Spring - Summer 2002 Archive
Pauline's Thread: some sounds of the Player/Judge Posted by John on May 30, 2002 at 20:19:40:
Okay . . . Pauline. Hi!
What is your very first answer to my question of how you would be clearly different if you were more spiritual?
>I would not be so judgemental in the first instance in my interactions with others.
Now, this could be a very, very modest statement (Hardworker/Doormat) if it isn't really true—if you don't really go around judging others. But if
we can take it on its face as a true expression of your real experience of your own patterns, then this is an insight into a characteristic that is very
typical of the Player/Judge.
>I would be more accepting of What Is without have to change or fix it/them
Now this is kind of universal to all of us. Each of the eight types on the wheel has its own style of not being accepting of reality, each their distinct
styles for "fixing" life. "Fixing" is a good term to use, because each personality type attempts to "fix" life (like "fixing a race") in its own way. The lives
most ordinary people live together in society are fixed and stuck, therefor, rather than free and flowing.
But, the idea of "fixing," as you use it here seems to have a slightly different meaning—or so it sounds to me. There seems to be a hint of fixing things
because they are wrong. And that's a theme of the Judge again, fixing things in others because they are wrong.
>I would understand others' 'stuckness'.
Yes, I think I get it. This is a merciful idea. If you were more spiritual, you would be less judgmental with those others you are thinking about here, if
you remembered more often that they are just asleep and doing their own habitual, conditioned routines because they are stuck in that personality
funny stuff (as you have been, of course, up to now). You could forgive them because they know not what they are doing, so to speak.
That's good. This is a wonderful thing for mindful warriors for peace and harmony to remember and keep in mind when they are relating with other
people in troublesome situations. This is dealing with them in the real world, the way it really is. You don't have to "look down on them" because of
this. Yet you can understand the way it is with them. They *are* stuck.
And you don't have to let them get away with anything because of this, by the way. Yet you can understand what they are trying to get away with
when you see their personality types, and realize they are stuck trying to do that.
Now, I asked you about the main thing going on in your life now that limits your peace of mind.
>I suppose it is all of the above,
So you seem to be saying that being angry at those people you know, and wanting to change them, forgetting that they are unconsciously stuck in
their own conditioned patterns (and you can't make them change to do it the way you think is right) . . . you seem to be saying this is the way you are
getting in your own way right now.
And . . . being more accepting of What Is seems to be the medicine you are prescribing for your own stuck Being about this. That sounds to me like
you are on the right track with these insights.
The emotional feeling that usually goes with judging is anger. And perhaps you can start in dealing more regularly with that anger with your mindful
awareness. In situations where you wake up and guess that you might be being angry with someone else (i.e. score coming up on the
phenomenological scoreboard), get centered and address your awareness to the inside of your face, and the inside of your biceps and your hands. If
you find—aha!—you are making fists at that moment and your biceps are all tensed up, obviously you are being angry. If you can feel from the inside
that a frown is on your face, if your teeth are clenched in that moment, if a gutteral growl is starting to sound in your throat . . . . . well, in simple
human terms, that is what anger is. If you will feel those sensations and keep feeling them, and let them go (not fighting against it, but just letting it
go), you can let some of the tensions of that anger off of your body that way.
Perhaps you can even tell the other person, honestly: "I feel angry when you say that." "I feel angry when you do that."
And, this is going to be a key here for you, Pauline: the things that other people say to you about you, and the things that other people do to you . . .
. . do NOT REALLY define you. You know that in your heart. They don't really know you. They don't know who you are. The fact that they are
saying and doing those things is a function of who THEY ARE, not who you are!!! Oh, I hope you see what I mean here!
It is their own stuckness, their own conditioned habit to behave that way with other people. You are only someone who happens to be around when
they are doing the habitual routines that they do with everybody else. You are just a prop for them in their doing that not-so-funny stuff. As soon as
you leave the room they start in doing it with someone else . . . or they turn on the television and start doing it with people on the tube . . . because
that is their conditioned pattern to do it that way.
And the way that they behave does NOT define you. Only you could possibly do a good of that, because you know what you are like and the things
you like. They don't know that. You know what you care about. They don't understand. You know what you wish for . . . or what you would
wish for, if you let your Being wish for some nice things. None of the rest of us on this whole planet can guess those things for you. If you would
like to have a definition of you, go by your own honest sincere impressions and experiences, and not by what other people say. They are in the blind,
unfortunately, but you are beginning to see.
I have a hunch—maybe I'm going too far in saying this—that a major way that you get in your own way in life is by going by what other people say
about you, letting others define you and your life. And they have underestimated you . . . so greatly!!!
You had another point:
>I suppose it is all of the above, plus my stuckness and inablility to priortise my life putting myself as my No. 1 priority.
Yes! All you have to do about this is start reflecting on questions like: "Who am I?" "What do I like and love?" "What do I seem to be good at, and
good for?" "What are my best strengths and qualities?"
Yes! Just for practice's sake, I'd like you to add that to my list of "magic" questions to you and give me a response on this, please.
Question: What are my best strengths and qualities?
I think I know some of the answers here, by the way, but I'm not so sure that you do. I think that's because you've bought into the criticisms and
judgments that others have of you, people who are habitually stuck in putting people down (poor souls). I'd like to hear you say it, Pauline. What's
really neat about you?
This would be a good stopping place for me now, to hear from you on this before going on.
But there's one more answer in that post of yours, so I'll address it before taking a break. I asked what you wanted "a support group" for, what
would you get out of it.
>Basically it would all boil down to companionship on the journey towards Self, with a huge dose of fun thrown in.
Yes, now you're talkin'! "With a huge dose of fun thrown in."
That seems to go with the Player/Judge, which is most of the music I heard in this post, along with some Doormat refrains. Having fun is the natural
essence part of the Player/Judge.
It's up to you, dear Lady, and none of those others that you know. What would be your own choice on this? Would you rather be spending the time
in your life judging them and making them wrong (whatever mean things they may actually have done in their unfortunate unknowing stuckness)? Or
would you like to start in on a daily basis pouring the considerable energies that you've got in you into having a whole lot more fun?
Next time I'll get into those observations by Ms. Williamson in "A Return to Love" that you seem to recognize have a bearing on your life at this point.
Okay, until then, two new magic questions for your responses, if you please.
Question: What's really neat about you, Pauline? What are your best strengths and qualities?
Question: Would you rather go on being right, or start in now for a change having a lot more fun?
What's the simple truth of it, speaking up candidly, of course?
Toodle pip,
Coach
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