Classroom Talk
Spring - Summer 2002 Archive
Something I share with you. Posted by Eon on July 31, 2002 at 06:06:21:
Hi.
I can feel I am closed towards my girlfriend. Last summer she fell in
love with my best friend.
You don't want to know how it hurt and is still hurting! And now I am
leaving my Teacher and my
friends there , all this 5 years behind in that community. Feelings of
sorrow and anger and the most
of all anxiety inside of me. I have agressive attacks with my
girlfriend and I hate my self.
I continue my mindfulness efforts.
If I could see any of you now and hug and talk to you it would help me
a lot.
I am afraid. I made all this false beliefs about the community, I
think I am loosing it.
The teacher said that he will not join my girlfriend with this guy for
at least 3 years and
he did it the second. And this crushed me. I wrote him about it and I
received a reply 2 days before.
He said it's everybodys fault 'cos we needed to remind him about this.
And also he says it's the first time in his 25 years
working with groups that someone blames him for his girlfriend fell in
love with someone else. Just what
I needed to hear. Yeah!
I kind of isolated myself...
>Possibly, it's time for a change in your lives together, a new deal
of the cards for you both.
You can bet Coach.
I dive for space on this one too.
>Now, as luck would have it, jealousy—in my view—is the most volatile
of the eight emotional feelings around our wheel. It is very
*powerful*, and it is
not easy to process it on through. This is a tough one for beginners.
I admit it.
I admit it too.
>Again, I am NOT putting down Tantra, or your teacher, or his
practices, Eon. I am simply looking at it from the point of view of
you making your
own choices for what's best for you at this time in your life. Maybe
it's another one of those good times already for "leaping for the
space"—going
again out on your own. It is no dishonor to your teacher, or *any*
teacher in the world, for a student to go out on their own.
I have so many doubts. I have read that to attain enlightenment in
this life one must have an enlightened Master or he has no chance.
Is this true? Can I have many teachers? I feel you as my Teacher from
the beginning although you say you are only a
Coach. There is a sucking for dependency maybe in this a little but
it's also a deep feeling of connection with you also.
From my ex-teacher's point of view I have fallen on the Path (He said
to my girlfriend's sister that I am ill jealous
- and I am running away from the truth.)
For him I must go to tantric course this summer and face my jealousy
or I am a fallen student).
I know it in my gut that I am jealous. And I have tried to go through
it but it's hard like hell. Yes I run away from
tantric course. I have freedom to choose this.
I am hypnotised that we are polygamous beings and I must set free my
girlfriend to be with others.It's in the core
of the community. I can no longer be a part of this community.
Eon
Thank you Coach for this post:
Sexual jealousy: a natural human phenomenon.
Posted by John on May 21, 2002 at 19:34:24:
Sorry for this messy post. But it reflects the state of my mind during
this few months.
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Archived 08/26/2002