Classroom Talk
Fall 2002 Archive
About celibacy, soul-mates and escape mechanisms. Posted by Eon on October 04, 2002 at 04:23:40:
Seems I'm stuck.
A lot of questions are running through my head, and I can try to ask
some of them.
What is the attitude of the Awareness Game and you as a Coach, John for
sex and celibacy,
because you teach that the warriors move would be to wait and watch for
the soul-mate and
be friends with everyone else. And what about maybe the strongest life
force-sex?
What to do with this energies. I've been celibate for years as an
exercise, and I am celibate
as an exercise for a month now. I know, that the sex force becomes only
stronger as time
in celibacy passes by. How to handle this energies??
(..scretching my head...)
This two weeks I struggle with my demons, my escape mechanisms as I
call them:
1.cigarettes (for God's sake I started smoking one to two cigarettes
per night.
I stopped 3 times now, throwing the pack in garbage knowing
it's an escape from negative feelings.
I used to smoke 5 years, and didn't smoke for 5 years now. )
2.drugs - ah...
3.internet (I catch myself surfing as an escape from reality)
4.TV - just seating there zombie-like
5.chocolate - eating way too much
6.reading books
7.strong wish to be with a girl
8.other
This 2 days it's hell. I am so confused, and I want to come out of my
skin.
I really tend to process emotions and it's working at times. I practice
few mindfulness exercises
regularly and this time very very slowly with a smooth pace of my own.
About finding a soul-mate. Are there many of them, potential soul-
mates, or could it be that
there is noone in the world in this lifetime for me?
Are there any specific personality types that correspond to mine:
Believer-Student
Rebel-Artist
(and, I still wonder between
Martyr-Lover and
Doormat-Hardworker)
What about you Coach? Did you find your soul-mate in this lifetime, or
are you alone.
Was the mother of your son your soul-mate, or a reaction of your
personality?
I know it's intimate, but maybe you could share this.
Do you still wait and watch for a soul-mate?
What did you do with the sex energy when you were younger, and
you were waiting and watching for the right one. Is there a "right one"
or it's just a myth?
I find myself very closed, isolated, reserved towards people. I tend to
stay at home, alone.
I was out with a friend last night, and I poured my heart out, about
everything that I supressed.
I supress emotions all my life to look as a good son, good friend and a
lovely person.
I keep the bad, keep the negative reactions in me. I need a hole in
which I can shout, and screem, and cry
everything out. I need a therapist, with a heart. Someone like you
Coach. You are the only person I trust and
you are on the other side of the world away. I need to say everything
in person to you.
Pour everything out.
I've noticed that I have never told you how much you helped me with
your posts.
I re-read them all the time. A whole coaching plan just for my
personality types.
And now I know that I feel little better after saying all this, and
after some time
today again I will be in a crisis. And this is heavy.
I am not trained to cope with this strong negative feelings. I started
a body mindfulness exercise
which I plan to last for 2 years, keeping my focus to the 5 senses is
an a,b,c start for me.
Later, I will try to observe thoughts and feelings, but now I am weak.
Why this suffering?
I am really shaked. Lost a girlfriend and a commune. Been hurt. Been
crushed by the army.
Crushed by the first 5,5 year breakup.
I may be too heavy for others to read this, and I think of
writing this kind of stuff to coach@mindfulnessclasses.com only.
How do you feel? What do you think about this? Do you agree?
Do you understand?
E.
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