Classroom Talk
Fall 2002 Archive
Gee, whiz!!! Understanding is a *tough* task!!! Posted by John on October 22, 2002 at 23:17:00:
Yes, you're right, Student John. Observing from the sidelines, you did spot a statement of Eddie's that I knew I hadn't understood yet. I was saving
it, to see how much we could get clarified about several other things, before asking him about this:
> . . . the rub you were feeling [was] because I was messing with your own misconception of your own personal essence.
I did "miss you" on that one, Eddie. I don't understand what you mean there. Let's say that this statement is true. If it is true, can you clarify what
my own misconception of my own personal essence seemed to you to be? What was that misconception, please?
I don't know if that will get us anywhere closer to mutual understanding, but that's the only question I can think of to ask, on that point.
John, it seems to have turned out, in Eddie's new post, that my hunch about how he equated the "Not-So-Kind-Helper" with the Essence did make
sense to him.
The rest of your sharing seems clear to me, John.
>Coach when you've said you're going to get "tough" with us students is that from your Personality or Essence? Your "toughness" doesn't seem to come from guilt or any other negative emotion portrayed on the wheel but rather true interest in our becoming mindful.
Yes, you've got the right idea. My toughness, when I can muster it up, seems that way to me, too! "Being tough" is Essence, John. It's a "strength."
And the sole purpose, in our class context, is to ensure that you students can get everything that you deserve to get from me as a coach while I'm here
working for you . . . and not just a watered-down version, where I am too "soft," or "too polite," that is, not tough enough to honestly nail things
down objectively for students to have a chance to *see*, or not see, as their own direct experiences of reality reveal.
"Being tough" is Essence. Where that strength would be taken "too far" and become Personality, it would be manifested as "being controlling, giving
orders threateningly, being pushy, making demands, demanding respect," etc. I do my best to steer clear of those kinds of behaviors in fulfilling my
duties here. Those are not really my conditioned behavioral habits of personality anyway. I'm not prone to that kind of funny stuff. At the same
time, there was an absence in me, or a shortage of the kind of "toughness" that being a good teacher calls for, and I have been attempting to cultivate
that strength for the class's benefit.
>If I get the drift of your meaning, "tough" for you means, not letting us slide, being assertive, pointing out how we might be in Personality even when to do so might "hurt."
Yes, exactly right.
>Perhaps "tough" for you means not being in the Doormat aspect.
Yes again, exactly right. When my teacher Mits "rebuked" me for this shortage of toughness, that's just what he was driving at. He was challenging
me to step aside from my conditioned "playing weak," (cf. Doormat). It was my conditioned habit to be too soft with students. And they were *his
students* in the workshops I was doing then for him. He was trying to coach me to be a better teacher, both for my own development of this
strength, and in behalf of my providing better service and assistance to him in his own aims for teaching his University of Hawaii class.
I can only speculate, of course, John, but I think that when Jesus rebuked Peter, this was coming from Essence—in just the same spirit that we are
discussing here. On the other hand, when he was kicking over the merchants' tables in the Temple courtyard, I have to admit that looks to me like he
was coming from Personality. Meaning no disrespect, I think Jesus's Bucking Bronco may have jumped the corral fence that day. It was sure one
heckuva stinger, and it rubbed a lot of people the wrong way. And it made Jesus a wanted man from that point on, with a price on his head. I'm sure
most theologians would heartily disagree with me on these ideas, perhaps vehemently. And I'm more than willing to yield on this view, on the spot!
(Far be it from me to be "tough" with the Lord, heh-heh.)
>Is there any way to know? Not for me.
Probably not. But I don't think Jesus would mind our wondering. I imagine he'd be supportive of such efforts to find understanding, in fact. What
does your own experience tell you of this?
>The Wheelbook for me is a great guide to Personality but limited in its description of Essence.
I understand what you're saying. From my point of view, the Essence in the wheelbook (in the limited way that I use that term) is the same as the
Personality, except the Essence is the innate strengths and qualities we are born with when they are not being taken too far. And the Personality
shows up when these same essential strengths and qualities of Essence are being taken too far.
There is one section in the wheelbook in the Playground—and I tried not to skimp on it, either—that was painstakingly developed with the intention
of clarifying for students what I mean by the difference between Essence and Personality, as those terms are used in this approach. This section is
called: "Personality and Essence, side by side (6) — pp. 52-57. In those six plates, I tried to illustrate with pairs of wheels how the strengths and
qualities of Essence, when taken too far, become the manipulations of Personality. If you wouldn't mind taking a look at those wheels, John, maybe
they will help you to see more clearly what I am meaning by the use of those terms in this approach. (And I recommend looking over those pages to
everybody in class, of course.)
By the way, in one of those wheels, "tough" is indicated as a quality of Essence, and "pushy" is shown as a way that toughness can be taken too far,
into Personality. If you'd like, sit with it like a brick in your lap: "the difference between being tough, and being pushy."
>What lies behind "false personality" to use Eddie's term or Personality, in coach's parlance, is, for me, indefinable Spirit, sometimes seemingly tough, assertive, even hurtful, but coming from agape not the negative emotions nor the purpose of personal gain.
You say "undefinable Spirit," and I respect your reverence there, John. Yet you do, after all, in enumerating those experienceable items ("tough,
assertive," etc.) manage to give a pretty good definition of it here anyway, or so it seems to me. That's a definition of Essence that makes perfect
sense to me in terms of the teaching model here. And that's especially true in the light of the other things you talked about previously in this posting.
For instance, even if it is tough, and hurt does come out of it, Essence is expressed from agape, and not as a knee-jerk-reaction to negative emotional
reactions, or from selfishness.
Let us—certainly!—allow that there are "undefinable" levels in the *full meaning* of Essence as a worldwide spiritual term. But let us also allow, I say,
that there are definable levels of elemental factors in life which legitimately belong to the realm of Essence. That's my claim in this model that I've come
up with. Without attempting to define Essence in terms of Unity with God, Full Enlightenment, or Oneness with the Absolute, I am attempting to
define certain elemental everyday strengths, qualities, and talents that we are born with as manifestations of Essence on an observeable level of human
manifestation—agape among them, of course!
And, for one example, the awareness game says "Go with the toughness that you can find in you, if you can . . . . . yet, lay off (i.e. *transcend*) being
pushy, if you are awake enough and able.
I wouldn't dream of ignoring your post, John. Like Eddie, I'm glad that you posted it. Yet, holding conversations this way is a little crazy, isn't it?
What with the time-lags of using the Internet, it's a wonder any of us can remember what any of us are saying. This phase of what I'm trying to coach
here about communication would obviously be one heckuva lot easier if we could all be face-to-face in the same room together at the same time for
awhile.
But given that we are stuck with what we've got to work with here now, I'm grateful to you both, Eddie and John, that you are willing to humor
your old Coach and stick with me—for awhile, at least—in attempting to prove that "understanding *is* possible, if we keep at it deliberately."
Maybe in the end of this present ongoing conversation we'll just have to laugh and laugh, and throw up our hands in surrender, and declare that the
metaphysical truth of it, after all, in the real world that we are sharing here together, is that "understanding is NOT possible," after all. Ha-ha.
It ain't easy!!! But, at least we will have given it our best shot together in the quest for learning whatever is to be found in this. And I'm proud of us
for that at least. And what more could we do, gentlemen? But we could do less. Ordinary people always do less when it comes to communication
and true understanding. Needless to say, I'm an advocate of making a deliberate effort to apply some skills to this.
Coach
Eddie, would you do me a favor and respond to the one question I asked you earlier in this post, and hold off on everything else, please, for just a
little while. That will give me time tomorrow, or tomorrow and Thursday, to respond, part by part, to your longer posting earlier today.
Woweeee! Doing this work in a room together, or on a shady hillside together would be so much easier, where we could clarify everything right on
the spot, instead of attempting to do so many days later, with so many misunderstandings all on the board at the same time. It ain't easy attempting to
do it this way. — Any time all of you Folks would like to come to Tucson for a few days or a week of that kind of work face-to-face together, that
would be just fine by me. I'm clear about that. But in the meantime, in this real world, we have to make do with what we've got. I'm clear about that,
as well.
I guess you Folks could see by my title bar this evening ("Gee whiz!!!) that I wasn't being completely relaxed when I started this posting. Hee-hee.
Yet, by golly, a few hours later, in this here and now, I find that I'm feeling completely relaxed again. And I'm cheerful.
Part of that is in the feeling that I am stepping up and doing what I can. And certainly much of that feeling is in the interesting, friendly, and
challenging companionship that you wonderful students give me, and with so much good Spirit, and gentle forbearance, and love. . . . . . And I admire
the true toughness that all of you are showing me these days, as well! Being tough is good!
Ah, I'll sleep well tonight. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz . . . . . .
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