Classroom Talk
Fifth and Sixth Grades Archive
Unattached or Doormat??
Posted by Student John on 07/25/2003 16:29:33
In reply to Re: Further thoughts on unattached.... posted by Rob on 07/25/2003 10:42:07
Hi Rob,
Did my posting seem like Doormat “music” to you? Let me know because
I’m working hard at letting go of my Doormat. Does unattached mean
the same as being in Doormat? My Doormat sits and watches attached
to outcome but afraid to make the moves to be free of being walked
upon. To appease Doormat says, “It doesn’t matter or I don’t care.”
My Doormat is definitely attached to “not making waves.” I was
particularly a Doormat with my grandson and wife but now I’m willing
to risk saying “No” and taking the consequences. It may not be
accurate for you but my Doormat doesn’t want to disappoint. My
relationships which previously have be marked by me being in Doormat
have been improving as Doormat has been set aside.
I say this because and again as last time I may be wrong, but I hear
some Doormat “music” in your posting. Particularly in these bars:
“As I witness difficulties with a primary personal relationship, I
also know that somehow it will work out. I don’t wish for the
relationship to end. I don’t wish for separation,
loss, and I don’t wish it on my kids. And yet, I do believe (and this
is faith) in a fundamental way that whatever comes will be workable.
When I’ve said before that sometimes things don’t seem to matter, I
see
this as part of being detached. I’m here on earth but I don’t believe
that what I do or don’t do really matters one way or the other in the
biggest cosmic context that I can imagine. By going to this context, I
can get to the place of seeing myself from this distance. And there I
am, anxious and worried, wondering what the hell is going on at home,
trying to make sense out of it, trying to figure out what if anything
to do, what not to do, and running to the computer to connect to some
others who wonder about the same things I do.”
Do you value your relationship? Then do the work. Not wishing for
separation ain’t enough. You may not be able to salvage the
relationship but doing nothing seems as though you don’t value it.
Valuing something and being attached to it are not the same. I value
my relationship with you. I would work to patch up any
misunderstandings we might have but I am not attached to it. Our
relationship doesn’t define me it enlivens my life and I wouldn’t
easily give it up. What we do matters!!
Love, John
Archived 09/22/2003